The Noonday Demon

10 Monday May 2021

Posted by CurateMike in All, Life, Prayer

Tags

Acedia, Depression, Despondency, Father, God, Holy spirit, Noonday Demon, Son, Trinity

There is a digital clock on my desk. The clock tells me it is Thursday. May 6th. 4:28. pm. Central daylight time. The temperature at my desk is 78 degrees Fahrenheit. The clock read 3:12 when I first sat down. Now it is 4:29. On the upper left hand corner of the clock is a map of the United States and the Central Time Zone is highlighted. I know it is the Central Time Zone because of the letter C below the map. I know it is the afternoon because above the map are the letters “pm.” Now 4:32. The small letters “DST” tells me it is daylight savings time; curiously, “DST” blinks at me silently, the electronic equivalent of the ticking of a clock, I suppose. Blink. Blink. Blink. It is now 4:34. Other symbols on the clock face tell me the clock is receiving a signal from station WWVB, which broadcasts a signal from the US National Institute of Standards and Technology in Colorado. A built-in thermometer tells me the room temperature. 4:41. Blink. Blink. Blink.

4:48. The demon stopped by again today. He (do demons have gender?) and I are old acquaintances. He is very old now but he seems well for his age. He used to be quite famous, you know. There have been many, many pages written about him throughout history, though I believe him to be widely unknown today. After all, we are too smart to believe in demons. Too bad for us. However, I think that’s a good thing for a demon. It is better for them to work in anonymity, they are much more effective. Blink. Blink. Blink. Blink. 4:56.

This demon has a name. No, not from me. He has been named for at least 3,000 years:

You shall not be frightened by fear at night, Nor from an arrow that flies by day, Nor by a thing moving in darkness, Nor by mishap and a demon of noonday.
–-Psalm 90:6 (King David. Septuagint, The Orthodox Study Bible)

He was so named “noonday demon” because of when he generally comes to visit. Eighteen hundred years ago, many Christian monks moved to the desert caves of the Middle East seeking a life focused on God alone. Boredom was a constant companion. For some, the noonday sun seemed to stop in the sky. This was when the demon would come visit them.

5:02.

Now 5:17. Early desert-dwelling Christians (Church Fathers and Mother’s of the 4th century and beyond) recognized the noonday demon as “a dangerous and frequent foe” (St John Cassian). The monk’s day would drag on and on. And on. Many would eat and drink as a distraction. Others would sleep. Or pace. Or stand in the mouth of their cave, trying to will the sun to move. Still others would visit neighboring monks for idle conversation. Anything to find distraction from the attack of the demon, the pain of the boredom. 5:38. Blink. Blink.

The Greeks have a word for the effect this demon’s visit has on us: acedia. Apparently, it doesn’t translate well. The English word was sloth, but that word has taken on a different emphasis these days. Now it is more commonly called “desolation,” not to be confused with depression. Desolation, as used in the spiritual context, has been described as a sickness—weariness—of the soul. Father Alexander Schmemann says it is “the suicide of the soul because when a man is possessed by it, he is absolutely unable to see the light and desire it.” Strong words. 5:52. Blink. Blink. Blink. Blink.

It is the apparent futility of living and dying that, more than any other factor, invites the apathy of despondency.
–Nicole Roccas (Time and Despondency).

Fundamentally, despondency is a sense of futility resulting in hopelessness; one’s soul is sick. One suffering the demon’s attack seeks to escape by giving in to the apathy (no activity) or by busyness (much activity). Whether lazy or busy, one has the overwhelming desire to be “anywhere but here, anytime but now.” Looking back, I now know this demon I first met many years ago when I was a kid. Futility is part of my early and ongoing awareness and distraction; a lifelong way of living for me. (Why is it so rare to see a number change on a digital clock?) 6:44. 6:45. 6:46. Blink. Blink. Blink. Blink. Blink. Even as I write I wonder whether it matters. Will it change anything? 6:48.

Sun set. Sun rise.

The clock tells me it is Friday. May 7th. 4:57. pm. Central daylight time. It is 76 degrees in my office. Since I was last here I’ve visited friends, walked the dog, slept, ate, bought groceries, and played golf. Feels like activity without importance. The letters on my clock continue to blink. Blink. Blink. Blink. Blink. Blink.

Space is exposed to our will; we may shape and change the things in space as we please. Time, however, is beyond our reach, beyond our power. … It belongs exclusively to God.
—Abraham Joshua Herschel. The Sabbath.

5:35. In 1985, Neil Postman wrote a book entitled Amusing Ourselves to Death. He believed Aldous Huxley (Brave New World) was the better prophet than George Orwell (1984). To each of us the noonday demon whispers, “You will live and you will die. There is no hope.” If you don’t believe in life after death, then the demon whispers, “Ultimately, nothing matters. The universe will one day grow cold and die. All you hold dear will be gone.” If you believe in life after death, the demon whispers, “You will be as Stepford Wives: perfect people doing perfect things. There will be nothing new or challenging…for eternity. How boring.” 5:50. Blink. Blink. Blink. Blink. Blink.

Huxley and Postman saw a future of humanity with humans self-medicating to dull the pain of hopelessness. These modern two prophets say we will set aside the deep things of life, wonder and awe; rather, we will strive after “wow!” They say we will not notice that “wow” begets the need for more “wow.” We will live our lives seeking Huxley’s Soma and CS Lewis’ Turkish Delight: Bigger, faster, newer, more features, more excitement, more challenge, more pleasure. More. More. Still more. It is hopelessness masked by distraction.

It is more serious to lose hope than to sin.
–St John of Karpathos

6:00. At around 6pm we have happy hour at our house. I always look forward to a glass of wine. Usually only one glass for me, though. I fear if I have another there will be another still. I find red wine goes best with futility.

Sun set.

The clock tells me it is Saturday. May 8. 12:43. am. Central daylight time. It is 77 degrees in my office. I can’t sleep.

History, at least in the West, is on the side of Huxley and Postman. In 1949, with the carnage of World War II still fresh in the world’s collective memory, Elton Trueblood (Alternative to Futility) wrote this:

Actually most of us like war better than we like peace. We like it because it saves us from boredom, from mediocrity, from dullness. It is instructive to note that great numbers of people in Britain say openly that they look back to 1940-41 with nostalgia. Those were the days in which they really lived! There was the constant danger of invasion and all the resultant horror; there was the bombing; but there was more. People stood shoulder to shoulder, united by a common pride. They were sustained by great rhetoric and great deeds. Life had significance. Now all is different. Now there is no danger, but only a constant round of petty restrictions; life has become commonplace and humdrum.

12:55. am. Blink. Blink. Blink. Blink. Apparently we prefer immediate danger and death over the pain of a slow death by the sense of futility of a commonplace and humdrum life. The demon whispers.

1:17. am.

With the passage of the years, I have found that the cross Jesus tells me to bear daily is heavy; my soul has grown weary from the struggle. It is easier to just lay on the ground under my cross than to carry it.

And the three men I admire most,br. The Father, Son and the Holy Ghost
They caught the last train for the coast
The day the music died.
—Don McLean, “American Pie”

Where is God? He said His burden is light and His yoke is easy

When the demon comes and I begin to lose hope, I struggle pray. Going to church becomes a wearisome chore. 1:38. am. Blink. Blink. Blink. Blink. Blink. Blink. Blink.

Sun rise.

The clock tells me it is Sunday. May 9th. 2:24pm. It is 78 degrees in my office. Blink. Blink. Blink.

Some Christians tell me to shout back at the demon, “Get behind me Satan.”

2:50.

The ancient Church warns me not to take on a demon, for I am not strong enough to take on a demon.

Stay in your cell and it will teach you everything.
–Abba Moses (4th c.)

Those who have been in their cave and faced the demon tell me, “Don’t fight the demon. Neither should you mask the weariness with distraction. Cry out to Jesus. Look to Him and at Him alone. It is the path to purification.”

They tell me that if I can say nothing else, to pray “Jesus help.” They tell me prayer is vital. Father Thomas Hopko says to pray as I can, not as I think I should (“55 Maxims for the Christian Life”). They tell me I am in need of the Church, the hospital for the soul, where I will find healing. I know they are right, but the weariness presses in. Where is the rest Jesus promises?

3:08.

Evagrius Ponticus (4th c) was one of the earliest Christian cave-dwelling monks to write extensively about acedia. He believed the thoughts of desolation were the most debilitating of the eight evil thoughts that assail humankind. His advice is to pray this simple prayer from the Psalms:

Why are you so sad, O my soul? And why do you trouble me? Hope in God, for I will give thanks to Him; My God is the salvation of my countenance.
–Psalm 41:6 (Septuagint, The Orthodox Study Bible)

The clock tells me it is Sunday, May 9th, 3:17 pm. Central daylight time. The temperature at my desk is 79 degrees Fahrenheit. The letters, “DST,” blink as the ticking of an electronic clock. Blink. Blink. Blink. Blink. Blink. Blink. Blink. Blink. Blink. Blink. Blink.

How Does My Life Mean?

11 Thursday Feb 2021

Posted by CurateMike in All, Healing, Journey, Life, Self

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

Father, God, Holy spirit, meaning of life, Self love, Son, Trinity

Man is nothing else but what he makes of himself.
—Jean-Paul Sartre

I have come that people may have life, and that they may have it abundantly.
—Jesus

I have been obsessed with the meaning of life since I was a kid. Early on, I remember reading obituaries in the local newspaper. I noticed that some during their lives had done extraordinary things, accounting for significant advances in science, math, engineering, the arts. Others had led large companies to unprecedented prosperity, providing many jobs and making a lot of money for themselves and others. Yet others lived more modest lives, working hard and raising families. Still others had hard lives marred by poor decisions, struggle, and loss.

There are culturally accepted ways to assign meaning to life and we label and reward accordingly. The “great” person affects humanity and gets public honor: a star named for them (or a star on Hollywood Boulevard), or a monument dedicated to them, or a statue built in their honor, or a street or park named after them An “expert” is widely recognized in their field of expertise and have a wall or a shelf in their home filled with their achievement awards. The “average Jane or Joe” lives a generally nondescript life, invisible to all but those closest to them. About another life we use the word “wasted” or “shameful,” particularly when addiction is involved. If one dies young, then we say their life was “tragically cut short” presumable lamenting that they did not have time to do the things that would have given their life greater meaning.

But even the highest reward for a meaningful life can be fleeting. We have a short collective memory. Have you ever stopped at a statue of a person and wondered who the person was and what they did to have a statue erected for them? I think these questions can be asked of any memorial we come across. I try to stop and read the usual plaque, then say something like, “Hmmmm, that’s interesting” before moving on.

My mom and dad were quite prominent people in our small, midwestern-America town. My dad was mayor for awhile, and when he died there was quite a celebration of his life and accomplishments; the town even named a street after him. Now, thirty years later, I’m sure most people driving down his street wonder who he was. Honestly, if anyone even thinks of him at all it is probably only to wish his street had a shorter name. And I’m sure that now only us, his kids, could find his, or my mom’s, grave site at the local cemetery.

I, too, have accomplished things in my life and have had my own achievement awards; however, even in the midst of the work I always had that small voice chiding me, “One day,” it would say, “this accomplishment will just be a line in your own obituary that will soon be forgotten.”

I am very aware that the day I die my toys and precious belongings will become just troublesome stuff for my kid to dispose of. In two generations, likely no one will know where I am buried. The best I can hope for is that I appear in some future progeny’s web search on an “ancestor” archive.

On my deathbed, if I am able to reflect back on my life, what is it that will have given it meaning? Will I be graded on a scale based on things that can measured, such as philanthropy or adventure or personal achievement? If so, against whose scale will I be judged? And who will grade me? Family? Friends? Society? If no one ultimately remembers me, then why should I really care how I am graded?

So, how does life mean? Wait! That is too big a question. What I really want to know is this: How does my life mean?

This I know: God created humankind—me—to participate in His very life, to be “one” with him and with other Christians. By His graciousness I am invited to become like He is by nature. Therefore, my life’s meaning doesn’t come from a collection of material things or accomplishments but by my movement into relationship with Him. My life begins to have meaning when I am awakened to the Beauty of God and I begin to “come out of myself and move toward Him,” to “run toward God without any regard for myself” (Patitsas)…like lovers do. Here is one way the Bible describes it:

My beloved is a shining and fiery light, Chosen from countless thousands. His head is like refined gold; His locks of hair are shiny and black, Like a raven’s feathers. His eyes are like those of doves Sitting by pools of water, Having eyes bathed in milk and fitly set. His cheeks are like bowls of spices Pouring forth perfumes. His lips are lilies dripping choice myrrh. His hands are like elaborate gold Set with precious stones. (Song of Songs, The Bible)

Isn’t that great imagery! Too often we are hit over the head with the threat of an angry God who is judging our every action and keeping score. That is not really true. It is much more like the paragraph, above. Elsewhere in the Bible it says that God is singing over us. Imagine that…God singing over me, the mess that I am.

To run toward God I have to try to get over myself, specifically to get over my love of myself, so that I might love Him. That is what it means to participate in God’s life.

In my human relationships I know that loving another is never easy for me. I don’t really want to put you first, at least not for very long. Setting aside my desires, my self-love, is often a sacrifice for me, and all too often it is too much of a sacrifice, so I don’t do it. If I’m honest with you, all the evidence in my life points to the fact that I love myself way too much, so that I want any relationship I’m in—with you or with God—to be on my terms.

But, love does require sacrifice. It all sounds so counter-cultural, doesn’t it. And it is, but this is what we were made for: to be in a loving relationship with God and others.

There’s hope for me, mired as I am in self love! Here is the little secret of Christianity that I have discovered: God knows I’ll never do “relationship” very well. Because of how much I want what I want, I’ll spend my life struggling to love you and God more than I love myself. Mostly I will fail at it. And then with God’s help I will get up and try again. And I will fail. And I will try again. And I will fail. And I will try again. For all of my life. With every fall I try to cry out to God Who helps me to get up again. Any successes I have will be entirely God’s doing.

But—and this is the final answer to my question—the only thing that gives my life meaning, eternal meaning, is whether I stayed in the struggle to try and love God and you more than I love myself. There are no monuments or achievement awards given for a life lived like this. There is only eternal life with God…life’s ultimate meaning.

And this is eternal life, that they may know You, the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom You have sent.
—Jesus

Oh, and that little word, “know” means the knowing God in the same way found only in the most intimate of relationship between lovers. Me knowing God (God already knows me)—it is both the meaning and reward of my life.

So, now when I read an obituary I appreciate the person’s accomplishments, but I also wonder how their life meant to them and to God, and I pray for them as I, too, struggle to live my life as one filled with eternal meaning.

Choosing Sides

13 Wednesday Jan 2021

Posted by CurateMike in All, Journey, Uncategorized

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choice, choose, Father, God, Holy spirit, Son, spiritual battle, Trinity

Christian Orthodox Icon–Ladder of Divine Ascent

In a recent blog, Father Stephen Freeman described faith as loyalty, perhaps as a simple as choosing sides. I found that to be a wonderful pragmatic definition of faith, one that tied in so nicely with my other, recent reading and writing.

In my own previous musing on the reality of the spiritual battle between good and evil, I mentioned that we must choose a side in the battle. As I continue to contemplate the true nature of reality, I am convinced that there is no middle ground available for us, no neutral territory for us to inhabit. One may claim to be agnostic; however, that, too, is to choose a side. There is only a binary choice available to us.

How can this be?

To be human is to be made for worship. It is how we were created. Throughout history, humans have worshipped many things. We have and continue to worship a god or gods or other people. We can worship immaterial things, such as knowledge, feelings, security, science, and religion. We can worship money. We can worship any number of material things: clothes, cars, hobbies, boats, jewelry, books, etc. (this could be a very long list!).

What does it mean to worship something?

Our common understanding of worship someone or some thing means that we offer a sacrifice to that which we worship. Historically, sacrifices have consisted of such things as blood—human or animal—crops, prepared food or drink, jewels, and money. Over time, we humans have offered as a sacrifice anything we consider precious—that which we treasure most—to some one or some thing we have worshipped.

As modern humans, we typically no longer think in this way. We believe that worship and sacrifice are for primitive people, that we are well beyond those silly, unscientific things. Yet, to us modern people, the most precious thing we have is our time and our money. To what, then, do we offer our time and money? Just look at your calendar or your checkbook or your screen time (phone, tablet, computer, or television). Find where you spend your time and money and you will know who or what it is that you worship.

This is not an original thought from me. Jesus said it first: “Where your treasure is, there is your heart.”

If, then, to be human is to be a worshiping being, then so also to be human is to choose that which we will worship. And, choosing who or what we worship constitutes choosing sides in the battle. So, find where you put what you treasure and you will find who or what side you have chosen by knowing who or what you worship.

Why choose? Isn’t it enough to just do good things and to be kind to others?

St Gregory Palamas said, “If God does not act in us everything done by us is sin.” To our modern ears, that sounds like such a harsh, judgmental statement. To use the modern language, Palamas’ statement sounds shaming and cancelling. But that’s only because Christianity, in many circles, has become a moral religion aimed at appeasing a wrathful God rather than an ongoing, relational existence with a loving God. It is fashionable to think that if I “do good” or am generally a “good person” (and how we define “good” is a subject for another blog), then God will not be mad at me and I will go to heaven or obtain whatever other reward I may imagine.

But, as someone said, Jesus didn’t come to make bad people good. He came to make dead people alive. Sin is rightly defined as our turning away from God, turning toward death rather than life. Sin—death—is our broken relationship with God, not the bad deed.

Here is a better image of reality. We are in a war zone, caught between two warring factions: God and His angels vs. the fallen angels (demons). Like when the Allied forces began marching across Europe in WWII, God is advancing on His enemies. God’s victory in the spiritual war is inevitable; however, also like WWII, the battles will continue to the very end. And here is a most important point. We, humankind, are not God’s enemies. Et me say that again. Humankind are not Enemies of God. We are caught in the crossfire and God is trying to save us. We have been enslaved by the enemy and God offers all of us the path to freedom. The choice is ours. Each of us can choose either to turn to God or to remain with God’s enemy.

The decision to choose God brings the battle to us. More literally, it ignites the battle within us. The sin that has infected us and is within us is a powerful enemy. The Apostle, St Paul, admits of his own, ongoing struggle against sin: “..the good that I want to do, I do not do; but the evil I want not to do, that I practice.” Choosing God is not a one-time decision, even for a saint like Paul. We choose God day-by-day, sometimes moment-by-moment. The great St Anthony once said, “Each day I arise from bed and say to myself, ‘Today I begin again’.”

So, what does it look like to choose God moment-by-moment?

Below are 55 practical ways to choose the Christian God in everyday life; they are ways we can offer our worship to Him. Before you read them, remember two things. First, this is not a “to do” list. Recall Palamas’ words, above…without God, doing all of these things is still sin because Christianity is primarily about relationship. Second, Christianity is not about becoming a “better” human. It is about turning to God and joining in His life. These 55 things are simply things that help us to join in with God’s life. But here’s the catch: you will fail at them. Often. In this life you can actually expect very little “improvement” in yourself. So, when you fail, turn back to God, confess your failure, ask Him for forgiveness, then get back in the battle.

Choose God. You are not alone in the battle.

55 Maxims for Christian Living
Father Thomas Hopko

Be always with Christ.
Pray as you can, not as you want.
Have a keepable rule of prayer that you do by discipline.
Say the Lord’s Prayer several times a day.
Have a short prayer that you constantly repeat when your mind is not occupied with other things.
Make some prostrations when you pray.
Eat good foods in moderation.
Keep the Church’s fasting rules.
Spend some time in silence every day.
Do acts of mercy in secret.
Go to liturgical church services regularly.
Go to confession and communion regularly.
Do not engage intrusive thoughts and feelings. Cut them off at the start.
Reveal all your thoughts and feelings regularly to a trusted person.
Read the scriptures regularly.
Read good books a little at a time.
Cultivate communion with the saints.
Be an ordinary person.
Be polite with everyone.
Maintain cleanliness and order in your home.
Have a healthy, wholesome hobby.
Exercise regularly.
Live a day, and a part of a day, at a time.
Be totally honest, first of all, with yourself.
Be faithful in little things.
Do your work, and then forget it.
Do the most difficult and painful things first.
Face reality.
Be grateful in all things.
Be cheerful.
Be simple, hidden, quiet and small.
Never bring attention to yourself.
Listen when people talk to you.
Be awake and be attentive.
Think and talk about things no more than necessary.
When we speak, speak simply, clearly, firmly and directly.
Flee imagination, analysis, figuring things out.
Flee carnal, sexual things at their first appearance.
Don’t complain, mumble, murmur or whine.
Don’t compare yourself with anyone.
Don’t seek or expect praise or pity from anyone.
Don’t judge anyone for anything.
Don’t try to convince anyone of anything.
Don’t defend or justify yourself.
Be defined and bound by God alone.
Accept criticism gratefully but test it critically.
Give advice to others only when asked or obligated to do so.
Do nothing for anyone that they can and should do for themselves.
Have a daily schedule of activities, avoiding whim and caprice.
Be merciful with yourself and with others.
Have no expectations except to be fiercely tempted to your last breath.
Focus exclusively on God and light, not on sin and darkness.
Endure the trial of yourself and your own faults and sins peacefully, serenely, because you know that God’s mercy is greater than your wretchedness.
When we fall, get up immediately and start over.
Get help when you need it, without fear and without shame.

Life, Luck, and God

29 Thursday Oct 2020

Posted by CurateMike in All, Culture, Death, Humankind

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

Death, Father, God, Holy spirit, Life, salvation, Son, Tragedy, Trinity

I read a novel recently in which one of the characters, a man in his twenties, was rightly imprisoned for sexually abusing his thirteen year old sister. Taking revenge, he used his prison connections and his wealth to have his sister kidnapped, drugged, and sold into sexual slavery where she died after a few years.

This was troubling to me because it caused me to think about the seemingly lucky or unlucky circumstances of our lives. There are real-life children sold into sexual slavery. Some people have lost family and homes to war. Natural disasters disrupt lives and cause widespread death and destruction. Children are born with mental and physical disabilities. Random accidents maim and take lives. Some people are born into poverty, others into great health and wealth.

Life certainly doesn’t seem fair. So, I find myself wondering what should I, as a Christian, think about the role of luck and God in my life.

Luck, in its most common definition, is the description we use for the things that happen to us that seem to be beyond our control. Philosophers and ethicists speak about the concept of luck. There is no agreement among them whether luck exists, and if it does, to what degree are we each accountable for the events of our lives.

Authors such as scholar C.S. Lewis and sociologist Max Weber have written about how the modern world has become “disenchanted.” In the ancient world there was once room for “enchantment”: people believed in gods, spirits, demons, fairies, elves, dragons, and such. When seemingly unexplainable things happened around people and to people, they created explanations for the mysteries they experienced. For example, if you make one of the god’s mad and you may experience a fire or an earthquake. Over the centuries, Christianity vanquished “the gods” and now modern scientism has vanquished the Christian God. So, in our modern world there is now little room for an enchanted world in the minds of “serious” people; they exclude the possibility of mysterious things “beyond the veil” of the natural world, including God, angels, and miracles.

It seems to me, then, in a disenchanted world, luck is all we have to account for disparities and tragedies of life: Born into or encounter bad things in life? Bad luck. Born as a “healthy, well adjusted, hard working” person and into a good life? Good luck. The examples of good and bad “luck” are manifold as there are lives.

However, the Christian knows that all of reality is indeed enchanted: there is a God, angels, demons, and the souls of the departed. So, what about the role of God, luck, and my own free will in my life?

Christians usually avoid reliance on luck. To explain the events around us, we generally appeal to God’s plan (providence), that usually say that everything comes from God. Tragedies can occur, we may say, as punishment for the wicked. Or, sometimes we offer that suffering is given to us because it is good for our soul. We may appeal to God’s love by saying that God wanted a dead loved one more than the family did. Other times we may appeal to God’s predestination, that these are the events God has for our lives. We may claim to know the intent of God, that this world is the best He could do given our free will. We may try to excuse God, claiming that, while He knows how it will end, He doesn’t know how we will get there, again, due to our free will. Unfortunately, each of these explanations in some way holds God responsible for the tragedy.

God’s plan seems simple: He created humans to enter into a union with Him, for us to participate in His life. Here is what is in store for those who chose God:

Eye has not seen, nor ear heard,
Nor have entered into the heart of man
The things which God has prepared for those who love Him.
—1Corinthians 2:9

It does seem that God’s plan requires that we have free will to choose Him, and His plan for us is so extraordinary that apparently He is willing to risk that we choose otherwise and bring about terrible tragedy and the fall of the cosmos itself.

The hard thing for us is the accepting the paradox that God does have a plan that will not be thwarted and that we do have free will to act. The problem for us is that exactly how it works itself out in our lives is a mystery. And herein is an important point: with our western mindset, we want to turn this into a problem we can solve. We modern people do not like mysteries because they take away our control. You see, a problem implies a solution that brings the problem under our control. Mysteries, however, cannot be brought under our control; rather, they must simply be inhabited. Said differently, an enchanted world contains mystery.

While God’s plan mixed with our free will is a mystery, we can know some things about it.

First, God doesn’t need us at all. Nor does He need evil and tragedy to bring about His plan. Unfortunately, the first humans, Adam and Eve, exercised their free will poorly; we and all of creations now live in the aftermath of that first decision. And, through our own actions, we each, too, often reaffirm that fateful decision by also choosing other than God and turning toward the Prince of this world. The consequences of our choices is death: the continued sin perpetuated by humans and the natural disasters evident in the world.

Because of our free will, not all events in our lives is willed by God: we make choices and all of the cosmos is fallen, which include the weather, earthquakes, fires, etc. While it may give us some comfort to believe that God wills all things, the cost of that belief is that we must then also believe God wills all of the tragedy around us from the death of a child to the slaughter of millions.

So, while God does permit good and bad to occur as a result of our free will choices, this does not mean that He simply sits back and watches as history unfolds. The Christian God is not the god of life and death we see in the natural world; rather, He is the God of love and life found only in true reality, the enchanted world of all of creation. As such, God does not leave us alone to meaninglessly suffer and death in this natural world, He acts always for our salvation. Jesus, the innocent God-man, died to defeat the death that enslaves us and to transform the otherwise meaningless suffering and death of those who choose to turn to Him. Christ on the cross is the ultimate act of love and life: His death also was not a necessary part of God’s plan; rather, it was a completely free, self-less act of love to save us from our free will choice to bind ourselves and the world to someone other than God—to Satan.

In Jesus’ own words, He came—

To preach the gospel to the poor;
[God the Father] has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted,
To proclaim liberty to the captives
And recovery of sight to the blind,
To set at liberty those who are oppressed.
—Luke 4:18

Perhaps it comes down to this. While we can argue about the role of God’s plan, our free will, and luck, God has created humankind and willed that we freely choose to be in a loving relationship with Him. He permits us to choose poorly and Christ has given His life to redeem that choice. God has something extraordinary in store for us that was worth the risk of the fall of all creation and the horrific tragedies around us. That brings us to another choice: either we embrace that reality or we decide we cannot turn to that God because we believe that certainly there is a better way to run the universe.

Christians need not feel we must defend God or justify His actions in tragedy. The radical good news of Christianity is that death is not something to be explained by religion; rather, it is an enemy that has been defeated by Christ. So, when we look into the lifeless eyes of “the old, the young, the needy, the orphans and the widows, and on all that are in sickness and sorrow, in distress and affliction, in oppression and captivity, in prison and confinement,” or even the dead, we should not see “bad luck” or God’s hand; rather, we must see only the defeated enemy. Then we must turn our minds and hearts toward God, the God of salvation Who has rescued us from death and Who redeems our suffering and, giving Him thanks, offer to others the love Christ has first shown us.

I call heaven and earth as witnesses today against you, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing; therefore choose life, that both you and your descendants may live…
—Moses (Deuteronomy 30:19)

For more on this, I recommend The Doors of the Sea: Where Was God in the Tsunami? by David Bentley Hart.

I Am Number One

30 Sunday Aug 2020

Posted by CurateMike in All, Journey, Prayer

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Christ, God, Holy spirit, Humility, Jesus, Jesus prayer, Sin, sinner, Trinity

This is a faithful saying and worthy of all acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am chief.
—Apostle Paul in a letter to St Timothy (1Timothy 1:15)

I believe, O Lord, and I confess that You are truly the Christ, the Son of the living God, who came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am chief.
—From a Christian (Eastern) Orthodox Pre-Communion Prayer

Prior to receiving communion, many Christians pray the pre-communion prayer, above, in which each pray-er claims to be “the chief of all sinners.” In other words, as I pray this prayer, I claim that “I am the number one sinner of all time.” That is saying a lot; it is quite a claim for one’s self.

Now, I can certainly say this prayer with a prideful heart and with false humility with the intent of garnering either praise from you for my remarkable piety (“Wow, you really are a very religious person!”), or to seek a compliment from you (“Awww, you really are a great person; don’t be so hard on yourself.”)

Presume for a moment, however, that I mean it sincerely, “I am the chief of all sinners.” Can that really be true? Let’s make a simple comparison. Consider the following dictators and the deaths attributed to them and their respective regimes:

Mao Zedong (China): 31 million deaths
Adolf Hitler (Nazi Germany): 19 million deaths
Joseph Stalin (Russia): 9 million deaths

Does that seem an unfair comparison? Certainly I’m not that bad. Then how about an average mass murderer who might only kill tens of people. Am I really a worse sinner than that?

What about my friend who cheats on his taxes? Am I worse than that?

At some point, as I compare my sins to the sins of others, likely I can find a place to rank myself among them, which means that I’m not really the chief of sinners; maybe I’m just an average sinner, no better or worse than most people I know.

Here’s another story from the Bible, a story Jesus tells of two men: one a religious leader and the other a hated tax collector (Luke 18:9-14). The tax collector, realizing how sinful he is, won’t even look upwards to Heaven; rather, he cries out to God for mercy. Nearby, the religious man thanks God that he is not as bad as those robbers and tax collectors because he does many good, religious things (praying, fasting, giving money, etc.). Which man does Jesus praise? The tax collector.

So, it strikes me that if I try to rank myself—I’m not as bad as Hitler but not as good as Mother Teresa—I am like the religious man in the story, above, the man that Jesus condemns.

Jesus wants me to be like the tax collector…so, in that light, what does it mean for me to say, “I’m the chief of all sinners”? It means just that: I’m the worst of the lot…I’m the worst sinner of all humankind, past, present, and future.

This doesn’t mean I’m a worse person than everyone else; no, we are all created equal and in the image of God. However, I am the worse sinner of all.

Yes, God forgives sins for those who repent of them. Not only does He forgive, but He removes our sins from us “as far as the East is from the West” (Psalm 103:12). So, for me to be the worst sinner must also mean I am the least repentant, which puts my eternal salvation in danger.

Here is another story. Many years ago (~AD250-350) there lived a man who gave away his fortune to live in the desert of Egypt to seek God. Today, we know him as St. Anthony. One day, after living in the desert for many years, Anthony was in prayer when he heard a voice:
“Anthony! You have still not achieved the worth of the leather tanner who lives in Alexandria.” The next morning Anthony got himself to Alexandria and went to the leather tanner pointed out to him and said: “Tell me of your deeds, because I came here from the desert for this reason.” The leather tanner was greatly surprised at the saint’s request and answered him humbly: “I do not know about me, whether I did anything good. For this reason I get up early from bed, and rather than leaving for work, I say to myself: all the inhabitants of this city, from the greatest to the least, will enter the Kingdom of God for their virtuous deeds, but I alone will go unto eternal tortures for my sins. And these words I repeat in my heart before I go to sleep.” Upon hearing this, Anthony answered: “Truly, my son, you, a skilled craftsman sitting quietly in his home, have gained the Kingdom of God; but I, although I have spent my whole life in the desert, yet I have not gained spiritual wisdom, I have not reached the level of consciousness that you express with your words.”

From this story, not only am I the chief of all sinners, but I should believe that all of you will enter the Kingdom of God and only I will not because of my poor repentance. Or, in the words of other saints over the centuries, “All will be saved, only I will be lost.”

In a previous blog I wrote of our contemplating the Beauty of God. So, for me to say, “All will be saved, only I will be lost” is not to engage in unhealthy, self condemnation; rather, it is the natural result of seeing my own wretchedness in the light of God’s perfect Beauty. It is me recognizing that I have nothing to commend in and of myself. Therefore, I cannot see your sins, I cannot judge you because I become so aware of my own sin. I am the worst of all sinners. I can’t justify my thoughts or my behavior by comparing myself to you or anyone else because there is no one worse than me.

Let me be as practical as I can. It doesn’t matter what is the color of your skin. It doesn’t matter who or what you call your god. It doesn’t matter whether you are pro-life or pro-choice, whether you are Democrat, Republican, or something else. It doesn’t matter whether you are straight or one or more of the LGBTQ+ letters. It doesn’t matter whether you are in prison for a small crime or a heinous crime. It doesn’t matter your addiction of choice. It doesn’t matter how you treated your significant other or your kids or your friends today. It does’t matter what you are thinking of doing tomorrow. I am a worse sinner than you. I am THE worst sinner of all.

What do I do with this realization? How do I cope with this understanding of myself?

Godly sorrow produces repentance leading to salvation, not to be regretted; but the sorrow of the world produces death.
—St. Paul the Apostle; 2Corinthians 7:10

St. Porphyrious tells me I can respond to this realization in one of two ways. First, I can let it drive me into despondency. I can beat myself up for every failure to live up to God’s standard. I can become so self-critical that I become useless; worse, joyless. This is unhealthy shame. It is “worldly sorrow” (2Corinthians 7:10) and is from Satan. The second, better response is from God. It drives me to prayer and to deeper, continual repentance and confession. I don’t wallow in my sinful act, nor do I relive it; rather, I confess it, repent of it, and move past it trusting in God’s forgiveness (which means I must forgive myself!). This is healthy shame; it brings humility. It is the “Godly sorrow” (2Corinthians 7:10) which brings me to repentance and gives me the joy of Jesus. It drives me onward and upward toward God and His beauty.

Returning to St. Paul the Apostle and his claim to be the chief of all sinners. In another letter he goes on to say:
I do not count myself as have attained Jesus’ perfection; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 3:13-14).

This is the better way to which God exhorts us. By becoming our own harshest accusers, there is no more Satan can do to us. I accuse myself before God before Satan can. As the realization of me being the “chief of sinners” becomes part of who I am, as it was with St Paul and the leather tanner, above, I trust I will take on the humility of Christ. I trust I will begin to love and serve others who are my “betters.” I trust I will more readily cry out to God for His mercy, as did the tax collector and the leather tanner, which is the best prayer of all.

Lord Jesus Christ the Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner.
–The ancient “Jesus Prayer”

From Orthodox Metropolitan Hilarion:
[This is] the one perspective by which the Christian is allowed to think of universal salvation [that all will go to Heaven]: “all will be saved, only I will perish.” It flows from the inner spiritual experience of a [person] deeply conscious of [one’s] sinfulness and brought to repentance for [one’s] own sins and imperfection. Such repentance necessarily includes thoughts of eternal torments, not for others, but for oneself, as well as the hope for salvation, not for oneself, but for everyone else.

It is our transformation into Christlikeness and His humility through the power of Holy Spirit and the Church that gives witness to our faith.

Social Justice and The Great Divide

18 Tuesday Aug 2020

Posted by CurateMike in Social Justice

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Capitalism, Church, God, Holy spirit, Jesus, Oppportunity, Outcome, Social Justice, Socialism, Trinity

It seems like a trivially obvious observation to say that the US is a country divided. Politics, religion, entertainment, racial issues, sports, poverty, fashion, taxation…and, of course, face masks…everywhere one turns there seems opportunity to express our disagreement with another.

For the purposes of this post, I am interested in the divide over social justice: how we treat others. I want to think about the division at the national policy level and at the personal level.

I came across an interesting way to think of our division in the approach to social justice in Timothy Patitsas’ recent book, The Ethics of Beauty. Patitsas claims that in the “old world” (pre-Enlightment period) it was widely accepted that there were two, competing methods of approaching social justice.

First, there is the “you get what you fairly deserve,” pull yourself up by our own bootstraps, meaning. This is the equal opportunity meaning: everyone has the chance to make it, so what you fairly get in life is directly related to what you make of your opportunity. This might be considered pure capitalism.

The second meaning is that the benefits and rewards of society should be distributed fairly among all, that “no one is left behind.” This is the equal outcome meaning: everyone should fairly receive in the distribution of societal benefits and rewards based on needs regardless of their effort. This might be considered pure socialism.

The first meaning, equal opportunity, is in fact built into the DNA of the USA. Our Declaration of Independence says people are created equal and each has the unalienable right of liberty and the pursuit of happiness. After all, the American narrative is that we are the land of the free where everyone has the opportunity to make it, to achieve the “American Dream.”

Yet, the Statue of Liberty says something about equal outcome, and that is also part of the DNA of the USA:

Give me your tired, your poor, Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free, The wretched refuse of your teeming shore. Send these, the homeless, tempest-tossed to me, I lift my lamp beside the golden door!

The implication of this is that we are a country that throws open our borders and freely shares what we have with the less fortunate.

In reality, the ideal of “equal opportunity is just that, an ideal. Philosophers talk of something called “moral luck.” Whether we are born with physical or mental challenges, make decisions that turn out poorly, born to bad parents, or are struck down by “accidents,” these are the kinds of things that effect our lives that are simply beyond our control. This is what is meant by moral luck. It is these things we refer to as our “baggage,” and we all have baggage!

So, we need both methods…each of us must pull our own weight as we can while realizing that because of moral luck all of us need some help and some of us will always need help.

Patitsas, drawing on the work of a number of other scholars, notes that these two conflicting methods of social justice have existed throughout human civilization. Some of us are drawn to one method or the other and many of us are somewhere along the continuum between the two extremes. While there can seem like an insurmountable divide between these two competing methods, in truth, both are needed. Extreme “equal opportunity” is heartless and cruel. Extreme “equal outcome” is mindless and enabling.

Throughout history a third, mediating force was sometimes present to bring these two competing views into balance: the Christian Church bringing the love of Christ. At its historical best, the State and the Church worked together (e.g., symphonia in the Byzantine Empire) to let the love of Christ balance equal opportunity with equal outcome to approach Christ-like social justice.

At the national policy-making level in the USA, we have separated Church and State. We have strayed from the intent of the country’s founders and moved away from a Judeo-Christian based value system (Oz Guinness, A Free People’s Suicide). Hence, there is no third way readily available to help us find balance in our approach to social justice; rather, we are left with only a power based approach focused primarily on the either/or of equal opportunity and equal outcome.

Governments and Churches can seem like big, impersonal institutions. Trying to solve the nation problem of unjust social justice can seem overwhelming. National policies, while often necessary, are sweeping scope and take their aim at humanity rather than at individual humans. So, I want to look at social justice from a personal perspective.

Join me in a “thought experiment”: I am walking in the city and I come across a homeless person asking for money. This person seems mostly like your average, normal, healthy person, just dirty and asking for money. I notice they are standing near a storefront with a help wanted sign in the window. What will I do? I wonder to myself, “Do they really need a helping hand (equal outcome) or do they simply not want to work (equal opportunity)?” The internal debate begins: Should I give them some money? Should I exercise “tough love” and point at the storefront sign and say, “get a job”? I am at war within myself. I need the same third mediating force: the love of Christ.

There is no one-size-fits-all response to homeless people, to continue this example, even with public policy. Here are two biblical stories to make my point. In the first story, a woman is caught in adultery by Jewish leaders and brought to Jesus with the expectation that He will condemn her to death by stoning (John 8:1-11). Note that the man was not brought to Jesus, only the woman. Jesus first turns the table on her accusers and says, “Let the one of you with no sin throw the first stone at her.” When the accusers sheepishly leave, Jesus turns to the woman and says, “Go and sin no more.” That’s all He says. He doesn’t offer her counseling, or console her over the injustice of the man being unaccused, or even give her a sympathetic shoulder. No, He gives her an impossible command: “Go and sin no more” and sends her away. That is very tough love.

In the second story, Jesus meets a woman who in the heat of the day has come to the local well to get water (John 4:1-42). She has two culturally shameful things against her: She is a Samaritan, a second class citizen in Jewish society; and she has been married five times and is now living with a guy, which is why she is getting water in the heat of the day…even her fellow Samaritan’s don’t want to have anything to do with her. To her, Jesus speaks very kindly and offers her the path to eternal life; further, he tells her explicitly who He is (God!), which He rarely did with anyone.

Two women, both in the wrong, and both given very different responses from Jesus. Because He is God (all knowing and loving), we must assume His responses were designed exactly to bring about the best for each woman. There are many similar stories in the Bible…one answer to social justice clearly does not fit all circumstances.

These stories of Jesus remind me of the great golf teacher, Harvey Penick. He was a master at teaching someone the game of golf, not because he molded his students into a one-size-fits-all approach to golf, but because he saw and taught each student as an individual. As evidence, he would not let another golfer observe the lesson he gave a student because what he told the student was designed exactly for them and no other. He worried that the observer would take instruction not meant for them and try to apply it tho their game. Penick, like Jesus in the stories above, told each person exactly what they individually needed to hear.

It is so easy for us to use the Bible or the sayings of the early church fathers or writings of saints to find a one-size-fits-all answer in the application of our approach to social justice. However, to balance the right solutions between equal opportunity and equal outcome to the current problems of social justice requires that we see others around us as individual persons, not just as faceless “humanity.

Jesus walked everywhere. He moved at 3 miles per hour, which means he saw the person in front of him. Each of us needs to slow down and see the person in front of us, our “neighbor,” and to love them as Jesus does. Me, one-on-one with you—there is no male or female, black or white, Republican or Democrat, conservative or liberal or progressive—rather, there is only you and me, each made in the image of God and infinitely precious to Him. But, to love you as God loves you means I have to love God and draw ever nearer to Him in a loving relationship. Only in this way can I begin to love you like Christ does and offer you social justice as God would.

Drawing ever closer toward oneness with Jesus is the divine goal for humankind (John 17:3, 25-26; 2Peter 1:4). It was Jesus’ goal for the two women. We should want it for ourselves and for each other. This is real social justice. Oneness with God is what the Church calls, theosis.

So, my best response to the current problems of unjust social justice is to begin with me. I must draw closer to Jesus. If I do otherwise, then I only add to the problems in the world. St. Seraphim of Sarov said, “Aquire the Spirit of Peace (Holy Spirit) and a thousand around you will be saved.” Only by my putting forth some effort and myreceivingthe undeserved kindness of God can I acquire His Spirit. And only then can I begin to see you and to respond to you, my neighbor, and to love you as an individual just as Jesus loves both of us. God’s love is the only way to mediate between equal opportunity and equal outcome.

In reality there is no great divide on the issue of social justice, there is only the love of God for all of us.

Deeper into the Desert

24 Sunday May 2015

Posted by CurateMike in All, Journey

≈ 6 Comments

Tags

orthodoxy, Trinity

We shall not cease from exploration
And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time.

“Little Giddings”
(No. 4 of “Four Quartets”)
T.S. Eliot

I started this blog nearly three years ago as a way of publicly recording my wanderings in the desert with God. I fancied myself as a western Poustinik…one called into the desert by God and whom would then periodically return with a message for the village. Being a Poustinik felt like my role in the church in which I was an associate pastor.

There have been significant changes in my life since I started writing here, changes which have included two major job changes and a move to another state. Perhaps you notice from the dates of the blog entries that I have only posted twice in the last year. Circumstances in my life have brought me to a point of working out of the vocational pastorate. But, that is not why my blogging has greatly decreased.

Over the past couple of years I have been discovering Eastern Orthodoxy. That journey has culminated (can one use that word with a journey that is really just beginning?) with me and my wife being received into the Church on Holy Saturday. We have finally come home.

We have seen the true light! We have received the heavenly Spirit! We have found the true Faith! Worshipping the undivided Trinity, who has saved us.

This is from a prayer sung during the Liturgy. The Orthodox believe the fullness of the faith–the fullness of God–is found by participating in the ancient Church. I’m not going to try to defend that statement; I don’t feel a need to. I simply believe it is true because the Church Herself proclaims it. I am experiencing it.

The Orthodox also believe that God is incomprehensible, but that you have the know Him to know that. Like Eliot’s poem, I have been exploring God for many years now, including sixty hours of formal, post graduate study. With Eliot’s traveller, I feel like I have arrived back at the beginning of my exploration: an infant in Christ.

The Orthodox Divine Liturgy is the very real journey from this world into the kingdom of God itself worshipping the Trinity with all the heavenly hosts, and then returning to this world. In my participation in this journey I have realized that I am only beginning to glimpse the incomprehensibility of God, only beginning to realize just how little I know Him and His revealed nature.

Before Him, before the men and women past and present who have given their lives to Him in a way that is so far beyond anything I have done I simply have nothing to say. Rather, I need to be quiet and listen and experience God through Him and His worldly saints.

I pray God draws me deeper into the desert, deeper into Him. Perhaps I’ll write here again here one day. Only God knows.

Choose Life

13 Thursday Mar 2014

Posted by CurateMike in All, Life

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God, Holy spirit, homosexuality, hope, invitation, Jesus, Life, Love, Sin, Trinity

I call heaven and earth as witnesses today against you, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing; therefore choose life, that both you and your descendants may live; that you may love the Lord your God, that you may obey His voice, and that you may cling to Him, for He is your life and the length of your days…

—Moses (Deuteronomy 30:19-20)

The debate over homosexuality is a hot-button issue about many things: moral right and wrong, human rights, love, happiness, natural law, the definition of marriage…

As important as these issues are, I don’t believe they should be the focus, at least not for Christians. The debate over homosexuality should be a discussion about one thing and only one thing: what brings us life.

And this focus should apply not just to homosexuality but to all behavior, sexual and otherwise.

Here’s a question: Why did Jesus die for us? If you have ever been to Sunday school or watched a sporting event you know about John 3:16—

For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son [Jesus], that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.

Life.

Jesus said later in the same book of the Bible that He came so that we might “have life and life more abundantly.” Sadly, that is not often the message of Christians. Too often we reduce Christianity to a list of moral rights and wrongs rather than an invitation into abundant life with God. We wag our fingers at Christians and non-Christians alike when we see what we believe is unbiblical behavior; we judge and scoff at and scold people for not being “good.”

When we reduce Christianity to a list of rights and wrongs we say that Jesus’ birth, life, death, and resurrection were God’s way of making bad people good. Sadly, we turn God into some kind of supernatural Santa Clause who keeps a list of who has been naughty and nice and doles out eternal presents or lumps of coal.

Like many of you, I don’t want to worship that kind of god either.

But…what if Jesus’ death was not about making bad people good? What if it was only about offering life to dead people? If the latter is the case, then the Bible can be no longer viewed as Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth; rather, through its stories God tells us and shows us the way that people fully alive with Him normally live, and Jesus’ life is the exemplar. Further, the Bible shows us of God’s eagerness to be with us and the lengths He will go to help us to participate in His life.

Jesus didn’t come to make bad people good, Jesus came to offer life to dead people.

I know a little something about living without God—living as a dead person with my dead-person behaviors. I wanted to be the master of my own universe, to fulfill all of my own desires.

I know from my own experience that dead people act out because they don’t know any better, it is simply “natural” for them to act this way. You Christians sometimes got mad at me, but I didn’t know any better. Rarely was I invited into life; rather, it was pointed out to me that I was acting badly.

It doesn’t matter whether the dead-person behavior born out of greed, pride, gluttony, power-mongering, anger, or lust (homosexuality or premarital heterosexual sex)—and the list goes on and on—dead people will naturally do the things of dead people. Sure, dead people can perform good and great acts, too, but even those acts come from the vestiges of God’s morality since we are all made in His image and will not in and of themselves bring life to the dead.

Sin is not the things we do that are wrong, where “wrong” is defined as acting against biblical rules. No. Sin is our state of being separated from God. When God calls us to turn to Him and then to obey Him, He does so only because wants to unite us to Himself, He wants to bring us into a relationship with Him where we will find the abundant life He has for us; therefore, following His way for us to live is simply the way people fully alive in relationship with Him try to live their lives.

God is inviting us into the fullness of abundant life; He is not an all-powerful Killjoy…

God is inviting us into the fullness of abundant life; He is not an all-powerful Killjoy trying to ruin our fun and quench our desires. Obeying God does not prevent us from enjoying life. Quite the contrary! Obeying God frees us to live the abundant life He wants for us. We are oppressed only when we allow ourselves to be held captive by our attempts to satiate our own unbridled passions and desires.

This is the heart of the Bible message: God only wants for us to be our best, to be fully alive, to become the person He created us to be, which only occurs when we are in relationship with Him. This is real Love, His for us.

But, participating in God’s life takes effort, just like any relationship worth having. I must put forth effort into changing my old, dead-person habits for the sake of our relationship, relying on the power of God’s Holy Spirit within me to increasingly transform me over my lifetime into a person fully and abundantly alive and participating in His life.

Yes, I still battle many of my old, dead-person habits. And lately, it seems, God has been unfailing in pointing out to me just how much I still act like a dead person. Curiously, His pointing this out gives me hope because it reminds me of His love for me and that I can only find abundant life with Him. And it helps me to have compassion for the still dead people and for other dead-acting Christians and makes me want to offer them the same hope I am finding with Him.

God is calling each one of us out of dead-person life and into a life fully alive with Him. God is love and can only act toward us out of love; however, His love for us precludes Him from accepting something less for us that He has intended.

So, the choices in our lives, Christian and non-Christian alike, are not about right and wrong and who has the moral high-ground. All of our daily choices of behavior really boil down to a single choice that we repeat every moment of every day: it is the choice between behaving as a human being alive with God or behaving as one dead and apart from God.

Respond to God’s invitation. Choose life.

—Moses (Deuteronomy 30:19-20)

The Cell

12 Thursday Dec 2013

Posted by CurateMike in All, Life

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

cell, desert fathers, desert mothers, Divine Dance, Jesus, monastic, monk, Trinity

In Scetis, a brother went to see Abba Moses to ask for advice. The old man said, “Go and sit in your cell and your cell will teach you everything.”

Nearly 1700 years ago the small vanguard of what would grow to more than 100,000 people left civilization and moved into the deserts of Egypt and Syria. They were the first monks (from the Greek, meaning “single” or “alone”); we know them today as the Desert Mothers and Fathers.

When Emperor Constantine made Christianity the state religion the Roman persecution of Christians ceased. Being a Christian became easy, even fashionable, so much so that these Christian women and men left for the hard living of the desert.

These early monks lived in caves or small dwellings, known as cells. They lived radically isolated and simple lives practicing a disciplined (ascetic) life that we would consider quite extreme by today’s standards. Yet, their lives were attractive to many—even then people would travel great distances for a word of wisdom from these monks.

This kind of simple life can be attractive to us, particularly in our frenetic world. We long for the slower pace. But I’m not talking about seeking after a simple life for the sake of escaping the pace of the world. What drove these women and men into the deserts was not their desire to escape society and live simply; rather, it was their desire to directly confront the root cause of all battles…ourselves…and this was their chosen battlefield.

You see, must have been from a the cell that Pogo’s creator finally met the enemy and discovered he was us. It was from his literal prison cell that Solzhenitsyn came to understand that the line separating good from evil does not run between countries or classes of people or political parties but through the heart of each of us.

But to enter one’s cell without the Christian God is to join the path of a downward spiral to the nothingness of Sarte’s existentialism, the place of ultimate hopelessness. By contrast, the great hopefulness contained within the writings of these early monks remains with as much veracity today as it had 1700 years ago.

Here is something I have learned: you do not have to become a monk living in the desert or a monastery to experience life in a monastic cell. Life in a cell can be had in the desert or in the midst of a bustling, modern city. There is a cell awaiting each of us if we would only seek it.

The path to eternal life is difficult. The gate of entry is narrow and the path is hard. I am coming to believe that eventually, in this world or the next, each of us must learn what our cell has to teach us; more correctly, to allow God to shape us into the image of His Son, Jesus, who is leading us into life with the Trinity: Father, Son, and Spirit. There is no other path.

Perhaps you know of such a person, a monk-in-the-world; they can be recognized as ones who strive to live with God at a different pace and with a different set of priorities. You might even envy their life. Be careful of what you wish.

What is a cell?

A cell is more a state of being than a geographical place. When we decide to respond to Jesus’ invitation to seek our true selves in Him we move into our cell. But what does this really mean? It means that we begin to learn to stop hiding from God in fear. We begin learning to step out from behind the things that we believe define us or we let distract us; things, such as job titles, street addresses, school names on our diplomas, emails, the number of zeros on our paychecks, prior accomplishments, the shape of our bodies, names on the labels on our clothes, task lists, immersion in the lives of favorite celebrities, constant music, TV shows, 401(k)s, cell phones, texting, number of Facebook friends…these things and more feed our false identity and distract us with their allure.

What awaits us in our cell?

In our cell there are several beings present. We often think of the monk living a solitary life. This is not so. God (the persons of the Father, Son, and Spirit) and the Devil and his minions are in our cell with us.

In our cell we discover that the battle takes place within the very being of the ourselves with God encouraging, beckoning, and strengthening and Satan taunting, accusing, and attacking.

In our cell we discover that in each moment we face a choice, “With whom will I side in the battle?”

In our cell we learn that we can choose poorly and there are consequences.

In our cell we ask the most profound questions of life. Questions such as, Who am I? What does it mean to be human? What lies beyond this life? From where does my worth come? How do I really measure a successful and productive life? In what (or whom) do I actually trust? Where do I find hope for today? What will tomorrow bring? How do I know whether this path is the right path? Am I really loved by God? How much longer?

In our cell the lies we have believed all of our lives are gradually exposed.

In our cell we revisit the precipitating events for our deepest wounds.

In our cell we confront head-on temptation from the eight deadly thoughts that torment us: gluttony, lust, covetousness, anger, dejection, acedia, vainglory, and pride.

In our cell we experience physical, emotional, and spiritual hardship.

In our cell we learn that no woman or man can survive their cell without the presence of God; we are simply unable to withstand the company of our sinful selves on our own.

What does our cell teach us?

In our cell we learn to distinguish between the voices of God and Satan.

In our cell we learn how to choose God, and when we choose poorly we find God who is always calling to us, helping us, and urging us to turn back toward Him.

In our cell one by one the questions we had begin to dissolve as we draw closer to God Himself. We ask. He answers, “I AM.” Mysteriously, that answer begins to satisfy us.

In our cell we gradually begin to learn that Truth is a Person and not a set of rules.

In our cell we come to understand what it really means that by His wounds we are healed.

In our cells we find new memories of our past traumas in which Jesus was indeed present though we knew it not at the time.

In our cells we learn disciplines that help us cooperate with God as He gradually digs out the roots of all temptations and our heart of stone is gradually replaced by God’s heart of flesh.

In our cell we learn that mysteriously through the work of the Holy Spirit our perseverance in the trials changes our character, and we find real hope.

In our cell we learn that we are God’s beloved son or daughter in whom He is well pleased and we begin to hear Him singing over us.

The real beauty of the cell

Each of the lessons from our cell is the Holy Spirit’s way of teaching us a new step of the Divine dance with the Trinity. As we are able to grow in our confidence in our ability to move with God to the rhythms of His grace we begin cooperate with God and allow Him to work in us, gradually we are stripped of all that we have learned to hide behind and we will once again stand before God, clothed in His righteousness and unafraid. True self being led gracefully across the dance floor by the Trinity.

Rewards in Heaven

31 Thursday Oct 2013

Posted by CurateMike in Heaven and Hell

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

God, Jesus, Love, Mansions, Rewards, Trinity

…anyone who comes to God must believe that He exists and that He rewards those who earnestly seek Him. (Biblical book of Hebrews, c11, v6)

Rewards in heaven. The Bible is clear that there will be rewards in heaven. Since the rewards are in heaven, then it seems clear that the reward is more than making it to heaven itself. So, should we make of these rewards?

Some believe the rewards will be tangible, material things. For example, read the following verse:

In My Father’s house are many dwelling places; if it were not so, I would have told you; for I go to prepare a place for you. (Jesus, The Gospel of John, c14, v2)

Some Christians, using this verse, imagine the rewards in heaven will be a house, sometimes we use the word “mansion” found in some biblical translations. To demonstrate our humility, we say something like, “I don’t care if I live in an outhouse as long as I am in heaven.” We say it as a joke; however, in my conversations with Christians it seems clear that many are expecting some sort of tangible gift from God as a reward.

I think that this is dangerous thinking for at least three reasons. First of all, we can turn God into Santa Clause. ”God knows,” according to this thinking, “who has been naughty or nice.” He will check his list twice and give me a present corresponding to my degree of goodness. Therefore, if I am particularly saintly (usually as defined by the individual) I will find a big mansion waiting for me when I get to heaven.

Second, we turn following Jesus into a competition. Talk of mansions or other tangible rewards invites a response of our competitive nature. While we would never say it outright, we easily imagine ourselves living in a mansion larger or smaller than an other.

Third, recall a Christmas morning as a child. You have been anticipating a particular present for perhaps months. Finally, the morning arrives and you rip open the package to find the very gift for which you have longed. For the next hours, days, or perhaps weeks, it is the center of your life. Yet, eventually you set aside the gift for increasingly longer periods until one day you discover it in the attic, now only a fond reminder of a happy past.

I suspect that a material reward in heaven would be the same. How far along the long corridor of eternal time will I travel before my mansion becomes passé? I know myself to well. It will not take long.

If our rewards are not material in nature, then what are they? What should we expect when we get to heaven? Jesus tells us. He says that eternal life is knowing the true God (Father) and Jesus Himself. The “knowing” spoken of by Jesus is the deepest, most intimate knowing possible between two beings…a mysterious union. It is not “knowing about”; rather, it is the knowing that comes from living life with an other. This level of intimacy does not come from a casual life together; rather, it is the result of a life of intention together through all the good times and the messy times, wanting the best for the other.

If this idea of spending an eternity to get to know God seems foreign to you, you are not alone. In our consumerist Western culture we measure success in terms of material things, including money; perhaps you remember the old bumper sticker, “He who dies with the most toys wins.” Also, in our world of social media, our idea of knowing people has become more about “friending” an other than expending the time and energy and commitment it takes to really know the other.

Let me propose something to you with a question. What if our rewards in heaven is based on relationship and not materialism? What if my reward is to finally come face-to-face with the God I love?

Certainly even in this there are “levels” of reward. Imaging running into an acquaintance after some years. It will likely be a nice reunion. Contrast that with two lovers reunited after a similar period of separation. The latter brings a sense of happiness and feeling of fulfillment, a greater “reward” than the former.

I believe it will be similar with God. Once I am able to see His face will it be as an acquaintance or as a lover? Don’t hear me speaking disparagingly of only being acquainted with God. This may be as far as we have progressed in our journey with Him. However, it would be sad if I had the chance for a deeper relationship with God and didn’t want more.

I believe that this is what God wants for us and with us. Our Trinitarian viewpoint provides us with an image of a God of three persons—Father, Son, Spirit—who are eternally outward focused and other centered. God is love, after all. We were created to be in loving union with Him. Our union with Him is a reward for Him, too, as He joins with us, His beloved daughters and sons.

If I’m right and if eternal life is to be in a loving relationship with God, to know Him in the most intimate sense, then why wait? Why not start now so that when you get to heaven you will run into the arms of the one you most love. What better reward could there be?

curacy

~ thoughts from the desert

Tag Archives: Trinity

The Noonday Demon

How Does My Life Mean?

Choosing Sides

Life, Luck, and God

I Am Number One

Deeper into the Desert

Choose Life

The Cell

Rewards in Heaven