Tag Archives: Sin

I Am Number One

30 Sunday Aug 2020

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This is a faithful saying and worthy of all acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am chief.
—Apostle Paul in a letter to St Timothy (1Timothy 1:15)

I believe, O Lord, and I confess that You are truly the Christ, the Son of the living God, who came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am chief.
—From a Christian (Eastern) Orthodox Pre-Communion Prayer

Prior to receiving communion, many Christians pray the pre-communion prayer, above, in which each pray-er claims to be “the chief of all sinners.” In other words, as I pray this prayer, I claim that “I am the number one sinner of all time.” That is saying a lot; it is quite a claim for one’s self.

Now, I can certainly say this prayer with a prideful heart and with false humility with the intent of garnering either praise from you for my remarkable piety (“Wow, you really are a very religious person!”), or to seek a compliment from you (“Awww, you really are a great person; don’t be so hard on yourself.”)

Presume for a moment, however, that I mean it sincerely, “I am the chief of all sinners.”  Can that really be true?  Let’s make a simple comparison.  Consider the following dictators and the deaths attributed to them and their respective regimes:

  • Mao Zedong (China): 31 million deaths
  • Adolf Hitler (Nazi Germany): 19 million deaths
  • Joseph Stalin (Russia): 9 million deaths

Does that seem an unfair comparison? Certainly I’m not that bad. Then how about an average mass murderer who might only kill tens of people. Am I really a worse sinner than that?

What about my friend who cheats on his taxes?  Am I worse than that?

At some point, as I compare my sins to the sins of others, likely I can find a place to rank myself among them, which means that I’m not really the chief of sinners; maybe I’m just an average sinner, no better or worse than most people I know.

Here’s another story from the Bible, a story Jesus tells of two men: one a religious leader and the other a hated tax collector (Luke 18:9-14).  The tax collector, realizing how sinful he is, won’t even look upwards to Heaven; rather, he cries out to God for mercy.  Nearby, the religious man thanks God that he is not as bad as those robbers and tax collectors because he does many good, religious things (praying, fasting, giving money, etc.).  Which man does Jesus praise?  The tax collector.

So, it strikes me that if I try to rank myself—I’m not as bad as Hitler but not as good as Mother Teresa—I am like the religious man in the story, above, the man that Jesus condemns.

Jesus wants me to be like the tax collector…so, in that light, what does it mean for me to say, “I’m the chief of all sinners”?  It means just that: I’m the worst of the lot…I’m the worst sinner of all humankind, past, present, and future.  

This doesn’t mean I’m a worse person than everyone else; no, we are all created equal and in the image of God.  However, I am the worse sinner of all.

Yes, God forgives sins for those who repent of them. Not only does He forgive, but He removes our sins from us “as far as the East is from the West” (Psalm 103:12).  So, for me to be the worst sinner must also mean I am the least repentant, which puts my eternal salvation in danger.  

Here is another story. Many years ago (~AD250-350) there lived a man who gave away his fortune to live in the desert of Egypt to seek God. Today, we know him as St. Anthony. One day, after living in the desert for many years, Anthony was in prayer when he heard a voice:
“Anthony! You have still not achieved the worth of the leather tanner who lives in Alexandria.” The next morning Anthony got himself to Alexandria and went to the leather tanner pointed out to him and said: “Tell me of your deeds, because I came here from the desert for this reason.” The leather tanner was greatly surprised at the saint’s request and answered him humbly: “I do not know about me, whether I did anything good. For this reason I get up early from bed, and rather than leaving for work, I say to myself: all the inhabitants of this city, from the greatest to the least, will enter the Kingdom of God for their virtuous deeds, but I alone will go unto eternal tortures for my sins. And these words I repeat in my heart before I go to sleep.” Upon hearing this, Anthony answered: “Truly, my son, you, a skilled craftsman sitting quietly in his home, have gained the Kingdom of God; but I, although I have spent my whole life in the desert, yet I have not gained spiritual wisdom, I have not reached the level of consciousness that you express with your words.”

From this story, not only am I the chief of all sinners, but I should believe that all of you will enter the Kingdom of God and only I will not because of my poor repentance. Or, in the words of other saints over the centuries, “All will be saved, only I will be lost.”

In a previous blog I wrote of our contemplating the Beauty of God. So, for me to say, “All will be saved, only I will be lost” is not to engage in unhealthy, self condemnation; rather, it is the natural result of seeing my own wretchedness in the light of God’s perfect Beauty. It is me recognizing that I have nothing to commend in and of myself. Therefore, I cannot see your sins, I cannot judge you because I become so aware of my own sin. I am the worst of all sinners. I can’t justify my thoughts or my behavior by comparing myself to you or anyone else because there is no one worse than me.

Let me be as practical as I can. It doesn’t matter what is the color of your skin. It doesn’t matter who or what you call your god. It doesn’t matter whether you are pro-life or pro-choice, whether you are Democrat, Republican, or something else. It doesn’t matter whether you are straight or one or more of the LGBTQ+ letters. It doesn’t matter whether you are in prison for a small crime or a heinous crime. It doesn’t matter your addiction of choice. It doesn’t matter how you treated your significant other or your kids or your friends today. It does’t matter what you are thinking of doing tomorrow. I am a worse sinner than you. I am THE worst sinner of all.

What do I do with this realization?  How do I cope with this understanding of myself?

Godly sorrow produces repentance leading to salvation, not to be regretted; but the sorrow of the world produces death.

—St. Paul the Apostle; 2Corinthians 7:10

St. Porphyrious tells me I can respond to this realization in one of two ways. First, I can let it drive me into despondency. I can beat myself up for every failure to live up to God’s standard. I can become so self-critical that I become useless; worse, joyless. This is unhealthy shame. It is “worldly sorrow” (2Corinthians 7:10) and is from Satan. The second, better response is from God. It drives me to prayer and to deeper, continual repentance and confession. I don’t wallow in my sinful act, nor do I relive it; rather, I confess it, repent of it, and move past it trusting in God’s forgiveness (which means I must forgive myself!). This is healthy shame; it brings humility. It is the “Godly sorrow” (2Corinthians 7:10) which brings me to repentance and gives me the joy of Jesus. It drives me onward and upward toward God and His beauty.

Returning to St. Paul the Apostle and his claim to be the chief of all sinners. In another letter he goes on to say:
I do not count myself as have attained Jesus’ perfection; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 3:13-14).

This is the better way to which God exhorts us. By becoming our own harshest accusers, there is no more Satan can do to us. I accuse myself before God before Satan can. As the realization of me being the “chief of sinners” becomes part of who I am, as it was with St Paul and the leather tanner, above, I trust I will take on the humility of Christ. I trust I will begin to love and serve others who are my “betters.” I trust I will more readily cry out to God for His mercy, as did the tax collector and the leather tanner, which is the best prayer of all.

Lord Jesus Christ the Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner.

–The ancient “Jesus Prayer”

From Orthodox Metropolitan Hilarion:
[This is] the one perspective by which the Christian is allowed to think of universal salvation [that all will go to Heaven]: “all will be saved, only I will perish.” It flows from the inner spiritual experience of a [person] deeply conscious of [one’s] sinfulness and brought to repentance for [one’s] own sins and imperfection. Such repentance necessarily includes thoughts of eternal torments, not for others, but for oneself, as well as the hope for salvation, not for oneself, but for everyone else.

It is our transformation into Christlikeness and His humility through the power of Holy Spirit and the Church that gives witness to our faith.

Choose Life

13 Thursday Mar 2014

Posted by in All, Life

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I call heaven and earth as witnesses today against you, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing; therefore choose life, that both you and your descendants may live; that you may love the Lord your God, that you may obey His voice, and that you may cling to Him, for He is your life and the length of your days…

—Moses (Deuteronomy 30:19-20)

The debate over homosexuality is a hot-button issue about many things: moral right and wrong, human rights, love, happiness, natural law, the definition of marriage…

As important as these issues are, I don’t believe they should be the focus, at least not for Christians.  The debate over homosexuality should be a discussion about one thing and only one thing: what brings us life.

And this focus should apply not just to homosexuality but to all behavior, sexual and otherwise.

Here’s a question: Why did Jesus die for us?  If you have ever been to Sunday school or watched a sporting event you know about John 3:16—

For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son [Jesus], that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.

Life.

Jesus said later in the same book of the Bible that He came so that we might “have life and life more abundantly.”  Sadly, that is not often the message of Christians.  Too often we reduce Christianity to a list of moral rights and wrongs rather than an invitation into abundant life with God.    We wag our fingers at Christians and non-Christians alike when we see what we believe is unbiblical behavior; we judge and scoff at and scold people for not being “good.”

When we reduce Christianity to a list of rights and wrongs we say that Jesus’ birth, life, death, and resurrection were God’s way of making bad people good.  Sadly, we turn God into some kind of supernatural Santa Clause who keeps a list of who has been naughty and nice and doles out eternal presents or lumps of coal.

Like many of you, I don’t want to worship that kind of god either.

But…what if Jesus’ death was not about making bad people good?  What if it was only about offering life to dead people?  If the latter is the case, then the Bible can be no longer viewed as Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth; rather, through its stories God tells us and shows us the way that people fully alive with Him normally live, and Jesus’ life is the exemplar.  Further, the Bible shows us of God’s eagerness to be with us and the lengths He will go to help us to participate in His life.

Jesus didn’t come to make bad people good, Jesus came to offer life to dead people.

I know a little something about living without God—living as a dead person with my dead-person behaviors.  I wanted to be the master of my own universe, to fulfill all of my own desires.

I know from my own experience that dead people act out because they don’t know any better, it is simply “natural” for them to act this way.  You Christians sometimes got mad at me, but I didn’t know any better.  Rarely was I invited into life; rather, it was pointed out to me that I was acting badly.

It doesn’t matter whether the dead-person behavior born out of greed, pride, gluttony, power-mongering, anger, or lust (homosexuality or premarital heterosexual sex)—and the list goes on and on—dead people will naturally do the things of dead people.  Sure, dead people can perform good and great acts, too, but even those acts come from the vestiges of God’s morality since we are all made in His image and will not in and of themselves bring life to the dead.

Sin is not the things we do that are wrong, where “wrong” is defined as acting against biblical rules.  No.  Sin is our state of being separated from God.  When God calls us to turn to Him and  then to obey Him, He does so only because wants to unite us to Himself, He wants to bring us into a relationship with Him where we will find the abundant life He has for us; therefore, following His way for us to live is simply the way people fully alive in relationship with Him try to live their lives.

God is inviting us into the fullness of abundant life; He is not an all-powerful Killjoy…

God is inviting us into the fullness of abundant life; He is not an all-powerful Killjoy trying to ruin our fun and quench our desires.  Obeying God does not prevent us from enjoying life.  Quite the contrary!  Obeying God frees us to live the abundant life He wants for us.  We are oppressed only when we allow ourselves to be held captive by our attempts to satiate our own unbridled passions and desires.

This is the heart of the Bible message: God only wants for us to be our best, to be fully alive, to become the person He created us to be, which only occurs when we are in relationship with Him.  This is real Love, His for us.

But, participating in God’s life takes effort, just like any relationship worth having.  I must put forth effort into changing my old, dead-person habits for the sake of our relationship, relying on the power of God’s Holy Spirit within me to increasingly transform me over my lifetime into a person fully and abundantly alive and participating in His life.

Yes, I still battle many of my old, dead-person habits.  And lately, it seems, God has been unfailing in pointing out to me just how much I still act like a dead person.  Curiously, His pointing this out gives me hope because it reminds me of His love for me and that I can only find abundant life with Him.  And it helps me to have compassion for the still dead people and for other dead-acting Christians and makes me want to offer them the same hope I am finding with Him.

God is calling each one of us out of dead-person life and into a life fully alive with Him.  God is love and can only act toward us out of love; however, His love for us precludes Him from accepting something less for us that He has intended.

So, the choices in our lives, Christian and non-Christian alike, are not about right and wrong and who has the moral high-ground.  All of our daily choices of behavior really boil down to a single choice that we repeat every moment of every day: it is the choice between behaving as a human being alive with God or behaving as one dead and apart from God.

Respond to God’s invitation.  Choose life.

I call heaven and earth as witnesses today against you, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing; therefore choose life, that both you and your descendants may live; that you may love the Lord your God, that you may obey His voice, and that you may cling to Him, for He is your life and the length of your days…

—Moses (Deuteronomy 30:19-20)

The Glory of Jesus Given to Us?

05 Monday Nov 2012

Posted by in All, Love

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The glory which You [God the Father] have given Me [Jesus] I have given to them [Jesus followers], that they may be one, just as We are one; I in them and You in Me, that they may be perfected in unity, so that the world may know that You sent Me, and loved them, even as You have loved Me. –Jesus; The Biblical Gospel of John, 17:22-23

“It’s very good that you exist.”  Believing this of another is the ultimate in positive affirmation that the other exists, and it is, I have been claiming, the biblical basis of love.  It is what God said about us in the beginning (Genesis 1:31).  It is what we must hear God say to us and more importantly, it is what we must experience from God to be able to love in His way.  It is what we must offer to others if we claim to follow Christ (1John 4:7-21).  However, it is easily misunderstood.

It seems to me that our American culture (all of Western culture?) has taken this “very good that you exist” thing wrongly because of the way our culture has redefined tolerance as affirming anything that makes the other person “happy.”  Consequently, a critical element of love, implied in the statement, has been overlooked.  It is indeed very good that I exist.  I need that affirmation from God and from others in my life.  What it doesn’t mean, however, is that everything I do is good or even that every aspect of who I am is good.  The God of the Bible does not tolerate all behavior and being in the way our society has come to expect.  In other words, who I am and what I do is not indiscriminately excused by God if it is indeed not “good” according to His nature (see my recent blog on forgiveness).  Therefore, as a Jesus follower I cannot indiscriminately affirm aspects of being or behavior that are not “good” according to God’s morality and commands. This applies to me and others–and I’m assuming with great humility that I can know to some extent “good” as defined by God.

I believe that God yearns for our “goodness,” that He wants the best for us; this is clearly seen in the Bible in God’s promises, culminating in Jesus’ death for us and His subsequent resurrection.  Returning to God’s own statement of the very goodness of creation (Genesis 1:31), what is meant there by “good” is “the purpose for which it was created.”  It is very good that all of creation, including you and me, exists for the purpose God intended.  Therefore, it is good that I exist within the context of my becoming fully whom I was created to be.  You, too.  For me, this “becoming” means to journey towards a life ultimately free of the lies in which I have come to believe and the inner wounds I have suffered, a life free of the fears with which I live and the hurt I inflict on others.  I believe Jesus makes this explicitly clear that it is also God’s desire for us in what He says He gives us (see the passage at the top of the page).  He explicitly gives glory to those who follow Him, the very same glory given to Him by God, His Father.

So, what exactly is this glory Jesus gives us?  Theologian M. Robert Mulholland Jr. (Dictionary of Spiritual Theology, Zondervan) notes that an aspect of the Greek word doxa (glory) refers to the “essence of a person, that which makes a person who he or she is” (216).  In John 17:1, Jesus tells us that the Father (God) and the Son (Jesus, God-Man) “glorify” each other.  In other words, both Father and Son find their essence, their true identities only in relationship with each other.  Try this: a human father has no identity apart from his son (or daughter).  It seems obvious that for one to have identity as “father” requires the existence of one’s child.  Similarly, for one to have identity as “son” or “daughter” requires that one has a father.  And so it is with God.  God the Father finds His true identity as Father only in relationship with His Son, Jesus.  Similarly, the Son, Jesus, finds His true identity as Son only in relationship with His Father.  Mutual glorification, therefore, means that only in relationship with each other do Father and Son fully become who they each are (see John 17:1, 5).  And not just any relationship will do, such as acquaintance or friend, it must be a relationship of loving union…they, Father and Son, are one (see John 10:30).

This is the same glory Jesus is offering to us when we choose to follow Him: the glory He has with His Father, God.  Jesus is saying to me that it is only through the same relationship of loving union with God that He has can I find my true identity and become fully who I am meant to be.  (Some writers call this my true self as contrasted with my false self.)  This loving union is the relationship Jesus intends for us in John 17:3 when He defines eternal life as “knowing God and Jesus,” where “knowing” means the most deeply intimate knowing of another person one can imagine.  It is a “knowing” that is most often used when referring to the intimacy between husband and wife that takes a lifetime to achieve (and it is never actually “achieved” since the journey of becoming intimate is eventually interrupted by the death of one spouse–with God, my “knowing” Him, an infinite being, in this deeply intimate way will take an eternity).  Therefore, the glory offered to me by Jesus is to become my true self–the image of God I was created to be– through a relationship of loving union with Him (this relationship is sometimes referred to as the “transformative union” with God).

So, with this understanding of love as affirming the goodness of one’s existence and wanting the best for one, which can only in relationship of loving union with God, then what does it mean for me to love my neighbor as I love myself (Matthew 22:39)?

Self-love is me affirming that it is very good that I exist, where the goodness referred to is that I become freely me–my true self–the me I was created to be, the me whom is free of the baggage of the lies I’ve believed and still believe, the hurts I’ve experienced and caused, the fears that torment me, and the failures that haunt me; it is the me free from all the baggage that hold me captive and feeds my false self.  This is the goodness I intrinsically want for myself, it seems built in to humanity that we each want this for ourselves. I long for this in the depths of my soul…and I can only find it in  a relationship of loving union Christ.

Then, if this is the healthy way I love myself, what about my neighbors?  I surely must want this for them, too.  I must affirm that it is very good that they exist and I must want the best for them, as well, which is for them to become fully the person who God created them to be.  Therefore, I must want them to be in a relationship of loving union with God.  This means I must not want for them anything else, nothing, no matter how pleasant it may seem in the moment, that would interfere with this transformative union with God from starting or from continuing in a healthy way.  And, again, I must exhibit great humility in expressing what I want for and not want for my neighbor.

As for my enemies (Matthew 5:44)…well, the same thing must apply if I am to love them as commanded by God.  I must affirm the goodness of their existence and I must want for them the things that move them toward a relationship of loving union with God.  Only in this way, it seems to me, can I fully and rightly (righteously) hate the things they do to interfere with their relationship with God thereby preventing them from becoming fully themselves as they are created to be by God.

This, I believe, is what it means to hate the sin but love the sinner, whether that sinner is me, my neighbor, or my enemy.

Sadly, not everyone will appreciate this point of view; most, in fact, will not (see Matthew 7:13-14).  Our society spends a lot of money trying to convince us, and we try to convince ourselves and each other, that many, many things and behaviors are good for us when, in fact, they keep us from this type of relationship with God, and, therefore, from becoming who we are in Christ.  Generally, most of us don’t want to become fully who God created us each to be, at least from God’s perspective; rather, we continue to think we know better than God what is best for ourselves.

A relationship of loving union with Jesus, a transformative union: it is what Jesus means when He says He is the only way to God, the Father (John 14:6).  No other relationship will do.  None.

Becoming my true self in relationship with Christ, this is what it truly means to be “saved.”

Love Gives

30 Tuesday Oct 2012

Posted by in All, Love

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A Play in One Act…and my apologies to Broadway.

Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends.
–Jesus; John 15:13

Of course I know who he is. What? I cost the guy his life! Whadayamean by that? The DA is calling it what? Criminally negligent homicide! Hold on there, sport. Wait just one minute. You got nothing on me. You can’t hold me. I know my rights. Besides, I barely knew the guy.

You’ve got the wrong guy, I tell you. I’m a pretty good fellow, really. Ask anybody. I pay my taxes, I generally obey the law, I’m a pretty good husband and neighbor. I’ve got a good job; been there for years. Oh yeah, I go to church every Sunday, haven’t missed one in, well, a few weeks. I’m respectful of my elders, too, and I like kids. I take good care of my dogs. Our house is in good repair. I mow the lawn and tend the flower beds. I ride my bike on bike-to-work day, and we recycle! Ask anybody, I tell you, anybody. Well, almost anybody. I’m certainly not like one of those other kinds of people…you know the type.

Well sure, I’ve done some “bad” stuff, I suppose, everybody has. For the small stuff I did I thought this Jesus guy just winked and smiled at me like a doting grandfather. For the more serious stuff I did (and I assure you there has been very little of that!), I think he punished me a bit; I admit that probably deserved that. Some minor punishment was okay with me. Nothing I did could possibly have caused his death. We barely knew each other, I tell you. Tell me again why you are charging me with homicide?

Alright, you could say that some of what I did was wrong, I guess, if you really must use that old word. And I admit to sometimes even knowing that it was wrong before I did it. But most of it seemed harmless at the time. Yes, of course there were those few times when I admit to knowing beforehand that there would be consequences to others, and I didn’t care. There, I said it. Sometimes I didn’t care. But later I did say I was sorry, didn’t I? Sometimes I was even reeeally sorry. That didn’t fix it?

Okay, so there’s a little bit of criminal in all of us, so what? We all do wrong sometimes. It makes life a little exciting, “living on the edge” like they say on those reality TV shows. But that doesn’t make me a bad person. I’m just living my life my way, I’m a Nike-kind-of-guy! Just “do it,” you know. Acting with negligence? No way. Maybe I occasionally acted recklessly toward others, but what risk did I expose him to? Nothing big, I assure you. This guy Jesus, whose death you say I caused say was never at risk for my actions. I can’t do anything to him, he’s God; I told you, I go to church, I know these things. So, negligence on my part is for sure out of the question. Out! of! the! question!

What do you mean, God is love? I know that; church-goer, remember. What has that got to do with anything? Besides, if God is love then he could have turned the other cheek, right? Overlooked the stuff I did. He didn’t have to die because of me. And I certainly didn’t cause him to do it, he volunteered. Can’t blame that on me, no sir. He didn’t have to do it, you know. Yep, just a little punishment for me and things would have again been just fine between us. Slap on the wrist, swat on the behind…that’s all it would have taken. None of this dying stuff. Remember, I’m not one of those people. Not me.

He had to do it? What do you mean, “He had to do it?” And I should have known it! How can you say that?! How could I have known that little fact? Yeah, I know all about forgiveness. I told you that I said I was sorry to those people I wronged. Isn’t that enough? A gift? What gift? I didn’t get a present. Two presents! Wait, I got two presents?! Oh, I’ve been offered two presents, one from those I wronged and one from him. I don’t get it. I wronged him and some others and they offer to give me a present…how can that be? Well, since I don’t have it, what present did they offer me? Not holding my guilt against me? Hold on just one minute. Who said I was guilty of anything? Not me! Okay, I guess if I did those few things wrong I’m technically guilty, I guess.

But, why would anybody offer to give me that kind of present when they could hold my guilt over my head, make me owe them? Dog-eat-dog world, ya know. Love? Are we back to that? Are you telling me that because he, and those others I wronged, love me so much they freely offer me this present? Whadayaknow? Maybe there are two kinds of people in this world, them that take and them that get taken…they seem stupid to me. What’s in it for them? Yeah, I know…love.

But why die? What’s this present got to do with him dying. Why did he have to die if I’m guilty–not that I’m admitting to anything, of course? Compelled by love, you say. Wasn’t there another way? Well, sure I did; when I wronged those others I tried to fix what I broke; you’d have to be a real jerk to just walk away. I own up to it when I screw up; always have, always will. I make it right. You’re saying that’s why he died, to fix what broke? Look, I keep telling you that I go to church and the preacher says that God is perfect; so, how could he break anything. What I broke?! He died to fix what I broke?!

So, let me get this straight: you are telling me that he gave me the present of not holding my guilt over my head and he died to fix what broke because of me? So, he wrapped the present and opened it? What’s left for me to do, he’s done everything? Accept the present; sure, I can do that! Gimme the thing. I’m holding my hands out, God…where is this present?

Wait, it can’t be that easy. What’s the catch? No catch, you say, just admit my guilt. Is that all? I knew it! I’ve seen enough of those cop shows to know you all lie. You offer a deal, then get you to confess and, wham!, in the slammer you go for life. Bait and switch. You just want me to admit to this homicide. Clear the books. Another case closed. Well, no way. No way. No way. No way.

What! You are not so smart, you know; pretty dumb, really. Here’s a tip: this doesn’t help at all to get me to confess. You’re telling me now that if I confess my guilt to get this present, my guilt is not held against me, he fixes what I broke, but I STILL get the death penalty?! See, I knew it! Do you think I’m a complete imbecile? You were trying to trick me. You left out that little fact of THE DEATH PENALTY! Reborn? What do you mean, reborn? I get the death penalty and them I’m reborn. Sure. Right. No such thing as reincarnation, buddy boy.

Really? I’m reborn? You are going to stick with that? Yeah, the preacher does say he came back from the dead. He can really do that for me, too? Yeah, I guess he can, after all, he created this whole mess of a universe. Reborn. Hmmmmm, let me get this straight. I’m reborn, that means new fingerprints, a new face, new DNA…a whole new identity? Hey, then nobody could pin these charges on me, right? I’d be a free man. It’s better than double jeopardy. Oh?, not reborn like that…but I would still be free of the charges? And he will have forgotten them? Hey, maybe this deal isn’t so bad after all, accept for that dying part.

More? He’ll adopt me? The same guy who you say died because of my criminal negligence will give me a new identity by adopting me into his family. Really. This is like no fairy tale I’ve ever heard. Disney should be rolling over in his grave. No, I don’t want to hear that he is no longer in his grave. My head hurts enough already over this.

Stop! There can’t be more. Stop, I say. He’ll what?! Relocate me? Wait…if I have a new identity, then why do I need witness protection? Is this a conspiracy case? Is there somebody else involved in his death? Who else is in on this? YOU! You have a record, too! Not any more? What do you mean, “Not any more”? Ah…you accepted his gift?! You died and were reborn? Ha! For a guy whose been reborn, you don’t look so good. And I can see why: in your dealings with me it’s plain that you aren’t too good at this negotiating stuff. I’ll get a better deal in exchange for my guilty plea, I can promise you that. Maybe I’ll negotiate a full head of hair. Yeah, ha!, you didn’t do so good. What, you didn’t have a lawyer?

What do you mean “now and not yet.” Even though you have a new body it is still yet coming; you have been relocated but not fully; you are adopted and still becoming a son…geez. I’ll certainly get my deal now; I’m not waiting around for “not yet.” A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush, ya know.

All this. I get all this and all I have to do is confess? Let me ask you, did it hurt to die? Great, I told you how bad you were at this. If it is good and hard how did you do it? How do you keep it up? He what?! He helps! After what you did, and what I allegedly did, to him…he still helps? Foolishness. You gotta know that this story gets more and more foolish to a wise guy like me. Do you ever clear any cases? Your job must be like trying to coax a camel through the eye of a needle. Where is my lawyer?

God’s Double Bind

22 Monday Oct 2012

Posted by in All, Love

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If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
–The Apostle John; 1John 1:9

How can a loving, holy, and just God say to both the murderer and to me, “It very good that you exist”? Doesn’t it seem that God has put Himself in a bind when He created free-willed humans who turned against Him? On the one hand, God loves us so much that He wishes none of us would be out of relationship with Him (2Peter 3:9). On the other hand, God is just and He cannot affirm our wrong behavior, it cannot go unpunished (Romans 1:18-19). This is not just a bind, but a double bind (see Miroslav Volf’s book, Free of Charge).

God loves us and doesn’t want that we should get what we deserve; God cannot let our offenses go unpunished. How does God get Himself out of this double bind? He forgives.

Perhaps by understanding God’s forgiveness of me I can better understand how to love myself and those around me (Matthew 22:39).

Anytime I act contrary to God’s ways, I commit an offense against Him. Lying, cheating, greed, anger, wishing I were someone else, lust…whether in thought or deed in these, and more, I offend God. For His part, God first names the offense, calling it what it is. Sin. Then, He offers us the gift of not holding my sin against me (Isaiah 43:25). He must do both, for failing to name the sin merely excuses it and failing to not hold it against me leaves me forever guilty.

Then there is my part. To receive God’s forgiveness, I have to accept both the accusation and the gift. To refuse to admit my wrongdoing is to say I did nothing wrong and do not need forgiveness. As evidence that I am genuinely sorry, I perform “deeds appropriate to repentance” (Apostle Paul’s words, Acts 26:19-20); that is, I try not to do it again (to see how serious my effort should be, see Hebrews 12:4).

Some 500 years ago, Martin Luther said this:

There are two kinds of sin: one is confessed, and this no one should leave unforgiven; the other kind is defended, and this no one can forgive, for it refuses either to be counted as sin or to accept forgiveness.

Only when both parties fulfill their part can forgiveness in its fulness occur leading to the point of it all: restoration of relationship.

And yet forgiveness may not cancel the consequences of my actions. Forgiveness does not undo the offending deed; often there has been “damage done” to persons or property for which the offender must be accountable.

Forgiveness between humans is much the same. If offended, I must name the offense and not excuse it by sweeping it under the rug. And, I must offer the gift of bearing the burden of not demanding revenge; rather, I offer the gift of release from guilt. If I am the offender, I must admit to the wrongdoing and accept the gift of release from guilt (of course, only God can release me from my ultimate gift; that is why true forgiveness must involve three people: the offender and the two offended, God and the human). I must also attempt to perform the deeds appropriate to repentance, which may be working to rebuild trust, paying for broken things, jail time…

In the case of the murderer of Jessica Ridgeway, we must name the offense for what it is, a horrifically evil deed. We must not hurry past that in a rush to forgive. And we must also carry the burden of not seeking revenge, instead offering the murderer the gift of release from guilt, thought the punishment may be life imprisonment or even the death penalty.

I must forgive others because God has done it for me, and this is what it really means to love the sinner and hate the sin. It is something I am quite well practiced at when it comes to myself and my own behavior. God first says to me, “It is very good that you exist” and offers me forgiveness. I say to myself, “It is very good that I exist” in spite of my behavior, accepting God’s love of me. And because God first loves me and I love myself, I must also love my neighbor in the same way (Matthew 22:39), saying, “It is very good that you exist.”