Tag Archives: God

Ears That Do Not Hear

24 Thursday Jan 2013

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I have recently seen a figure published that there are nearly 200 million English-language blog sites on the web, and that worldwide the total begins to approach one billion.    —http://www.rickmylander.com/2013/01/blog-blah-blah.html?m=1

This is the way a friend of mine introduces his new blog.  Imagine, 200 million English-language blog sites, nearly 1 billion world-wide.  If we added in emails, tweets, Facebook posts, Google+, LinkedIn, Tumblr, and the myriad of other electronic outlets for our thoughts, how many words per minute pouring out of us do you suppose that represents?  So many of us with so much to say.  This blog is but one more…

For the sake of brevity, let me label everything “spoken” into the electronic world by humanity as iSpeak.

Is it that the billions of us iSpeaking away really have something to say?  Is my voice so different from the others that my words find a unique place among the billions of billions of words being iSpoken into the aether?  Well, yes.  Ultimately, I do think we each have something unique to say.  After all, we are each unique persons who see the world just a little differently than the other.  My voice, yours, too, is indeed unique in this universe.

Here is an odd turn in the road that my mind is walking: the connection between iSpeaking and casual sex.  About casual sex, philosopher Joseph Pieper says this: “The encounter that is sheer sex and nothing else has rightly been called deceptive in character.  For the moment, an illusion of union arises; but without love this apparent union of two strangers leaves them more remote from each other than they were before” (Faith, Hope, Love).

Is iSpeaking like having the deceptive casual sex as Pieper describes, an experience that leaves strangers farther apart?  I think so.  Consider Margaret Guenther’s thought from her terrific book, Holy Listening: “In a way, not to be heard is not to exist.”

In a way, not to be heard is not to exist.

Loneliness is perhaps both our fundamental condition and fundamental fear.  It is our fundamental condition because we are estranged from God who made us; it is only in relationship with Him that we find our true identity.  To be truly alone is to be unaffirmed as a human, do be, well, as though dead.  Sadly, this is our deepest condition.  We are estranged from each other and, if we are honest, from ourselves.  Even Christians, those who have accepted the act of Jesus on the cross as God’s act of overcoming the estrangement, find ourselves struggling with loneliness as we long to be with God, face-to-face.

So, what has all this to do with iSpeaking?  A speaker without a listener is like Pieper’s two deceived, casual lovers.  Broadcasting my words into the electronic aether deceives me into thinking I matter, that I’m not alone.  However, with no listener is that really true?

A quick test: how many of you fellow iSpeakers are disappointed when no one “likes,” “follows,” or “comments” on your words?  Surely you feel it…particularly if you have iSpoken something important to you.  Perhaps you have only some who follow you; perhaps you have a legion.  How many followers is enough to make you feel as though you matter?  I wager that the number will never be high enough to make us feel as though we exist.

If Guenther is right, and I think she is, then we may iSpeak all we want, we may even garner a multitude of followers; yet, without being heard it is as though we don’t exist.  Could it be that billions of words that we iSpeak acutually come out of our own desperate need to be heard?  At the depths of our individual souls aren’t we each searching for someone to listen, someone who will say to us, “What you says matters; you exist”?  I want someone to affirm that it is good that I exist; this is the bedrock of what it means to be loved, which is our most fundamental need.  And being heard is a cornerstone of the goodness of my existence being affirmed. 

Our need to be loved extends beyond the electronic iWorld and into the rWorld (real world).  So many people speaking, so much verbal noise, so much information to convey, so much to do, hurry, hurry, HURRY…  We are growing deaf to each other.  Do any of us really hear? Or, with no listeners are we all in danger of becoming extinct to each other?

Another test: Name a person in your life who really hears you, who lets you finish a thought even if it means periods of silence; a person who will let you feel what you feel without trying to correct or fix you.  In my experience few can name such a person.

All is not lost.  There is a way out of the noise.

We can practice hospitality.  Sure, it is an old fashioned notion.  Webster defines hospitality as the act of receiving another in a kind and liberally generous manner without expecting a reward.  But, we’ve no time for hospitality these days.  We move too fast and are too tightly scheduled.  Productivity reigns.  The ancient idea of leisure, contemplating something for its own sake, is gone.  And yet listening, at its core, is the best kind of leisurely hospitality.  It is the hospitality of making room within your own soul to invite the other in as you listen.

iSpeaking has its place.  I write because it helps me think and I post it because perhaps another wonders about the same things.  But, I will fall into despair if I hope to have my existence affirmed in this way; while you may read this, I can never really know whether I have been heard by you.

So, find another human being and practice hospitality.  Hear their words, notice their voice inflections, see their body language, look into their eyes, quiet your own desire to be heard, talk as little as you need, ignore your desire to fix them, be attentive to your own internal responses as they talk allowing your emotions and feelings to connect with theirs…offer the hospitality of inviting them in to your very soul.  Give the other the very, very rare gift of being heard.  For a short time, one fewer voice in the world will not be missed.

Safe

09 Wednesday Jan 2013

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Jesus put his arms around each one and whispered, “I didn’t come to just give you good things; I came to give you Me, my Father, and the Holy Spirit. In Us, you have real life. You’re safe.”
–Presence (unpublished…coming soon)

Philosopher and theologian Dallas Willard is fond of asking the following question: “If you could use only one word to describe Jesus, what would that word be?” You can probably imagine the answers: God, Savior, Teacher, Fraud, Risen, Redeemer, Liar, Beloved, Lord, Friend, Christ, Lunatic, Rock, Son, Messiah, Fictitious, Healer, Love…perhaps you have your own one-word description.

Willard’s word is “relaxed.” Perhaps I have a different image of a “relaxed” person than Dr. Willard intends. From Webster: Lacking precision? No, Jesus was very precise. At rest or at ease? Often; however that whole sweating blood episode before His beating and crucifixion didn’t seem too relaxing. Easy of manner? I imaging Jesus as assuredly intense. “Relaxed” doesn’t fit for me.

“Safe.” I like this word. To be clear, I don’t think it is the best word to describe Jesus; however, I do think it is a great word to describe His response as He moved about in the world.

The world around us is a scary place. There are murders, rapes, robberies, assaults, fiscal cliffs, car crashes, wars, falls, scrapes, bumps, bruises, insults, betrayals, hunger, bankruptcy, homelessness, fights, loneliness, sickness, disease, and so much more. One has only to watch the evening news.

There is a great scene in the 1991 movie, Grand Canyon. Suburbanite Mac’s car breaks down at night in the inner city of Los Angeles. While he is waiting for the tow truck, a carload of young thugs threaten him. Tow truck driver Simon arrives and in a confrontation with the thugs says, “I don’t know if you know it, but the world ain’t supposed to be this way.” Mac isn’t supposed to be afraid, the thugs aren’t supposed to be waiving guns, and by extension there aren’t supposed to be a poor inner city or young men forced to prove their toughness or…well, it goes on and on. It reaches all the way back to the Garden. It ain’t supposed to be this way.

Isn’t that true. Somewhere, deep down inside of us we know that the world is dangerous, we agree with Simon, the world ain’t supposed be this way. We should be safe.

Now, I feel safe in one regard: I know my eternal destiny, to use the Christian vernacular. I am completely assured that when I die I will be with the Christian God for all of eternity. I will be safe. To quote God’s promise:

And I heard a loud voice from God, saying, “Behold, the tabernacle of God is among men, and He will dwell among them, and they shall be His people, and God Himself will be among them, and He will wipe away every tear from their eyes; and there will no longer be any death; there will no longer be any mourning, or crying, or pain; the first things have passed away.” And He who sits on the throne said, “Behold, I am making all things new.” And He said, “Write, for these words are faithful and true.”

That is safe! It is safety guarantied by God Himself, creator of all the heavens and the universe. Right now I feel safe in that way, a future safeness, a safeness-to-come. I’m sure Jesus also felt that kind of safeness-to-come.

What about right now. Do I have to live in fear now and wait for the safety-to-come? Did Jesus? No, to both. Is it as simple as a choice? My choice? Yes, to both.

Don’t be afraid any longer, only believe.
–Jesus

Jesus felt safe by letting go. Jesus had no expectations of His own, only expectancy of His Father’s fulfilled promises. By contrast, I have expectations and plenty of them, and most of my life’s expectations have been tightly interwoven with the American Dream. Too, my expectancy of God-at-work has been low. “God helps those who help themselves” after all. I work hard for my daily bread, my refrigerator is full; I don’t have to expect God to keep His promise. (Oh, that last quote is from Benjamin Franklin, not God.)

I have learned that my expectations keep my eyes firmly locked on me; it is my expectation of how my life should be, my expectation of how the world should be, and my expectation of how God must act. My expectations put me in the center of my world and offers the illusion of me in charge of my life and the world and God, and that’s the whole problem, isn’t it. In fact, that’s the root of the problem: man trying to be God. Expectations only lead to fear, the fear of failed expectations.

Expectancy is different. Expectancy as practiced by Jesus is God-centered. My life for His glory; Jesus’ choice must be mine. No expectations. I am God’s adopted son. I have all of the rights of His son. He loves me and will treat me and care for me as the beloved son that I am, including dashing my expectations as He conforms me into the likeness of Jesus. Those are not my expectations, those are God’s promises. To the extent that I, with His help (and He does most of the work!), can let go of my own expectations and hold on only to the expectancy that my Father will love me and treat me as He has promised, no matter what that means for my personal circumstances, then I will feel safe. I will be safe. Fear will be gone. My life for His glory.

Jesus didn’t come just to give me things to fulfill my expectations, He came to give me Himself in loving relationship. Only in relationship with Him will I be safe, and I will have life and have it abundantly.

That’s the way things are supposed to be.

Why Us?

19 Wednesday Dec 2012

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Jesus turned and saw Andrew and another following, and said to them, “What do you seek?” They said to Him, “Rabbi (which translated means Teacher), where are You staying?” He said to them, “Come, and you will see.” So they came and saw where He was staying; and they stayed with Him that day…later, Andrew went and found his brother Simon and said to him, “We have found the Christ.”
–The Gospel of John, Chapter 1, verses 38-41, paraphrased

Have you ever wondered why God created us? After all, we seem to be a lot of trouble for Him, so much so that He once destroyed “every living thing” that He had made, except Noah and his family and at least representative pairs of all animals and birds.

But, why would God create us? Some point to Isaiah’s words that say God created us for His glory. Surely this is true. The Westminster Shorter Catechism tells us that “the chief end of man” is “to glorify God and enjoy Him forever.” Again, surely this is true. Still, somehow all of this seems a little sterile to me. Using a human relationship, I can glorify a human king by being an upright, obedient subject and by showing proper respect to the king. But beyond that I might never have any relationship with the king.

God moved me beyond my early notion of bringing Him glory when I began to understand Jesus when He said that eternal life is to “know the only true God [the Father] and Jesus Christ whom He sent.” Here, the Greek work for “know” means the most intimate relationship we can imagine. So, to combine the Scriptures, somehow my intimate relationship with God glorifies Him.

But, again, why? What is it about God that wants a relationship with me and yearns for me to have a relationship with Him…a relationship He wants so badly that He, in the person of Jesus, died to have it?

I think have found the answer; and of course I’m not the first to come to this. Here is how I am currently thinking about this question of the creation of mankind. Have you ever had an experience that you found so joy-filled that you couldn’t wait to share it? An experience you just couldn’t wait to invite another into hoping they, too, would share your joy? As a kid I was always inviting other kids to play football or baseball in the park; it was so much fun for me and I wanted us all to have fun. As an adult I encourage friends to go to a particular restaurant or to go see a movie…all things that have brought me joy. Even better are the events in which I share the joy with them, such as shared meals or movies. I really enjoy golf. I find great joy in being outside and walking the course. The (very) occasional good shot I hit is also joyful. My pleasure from golf was actually enhanced when my wife began to play and we could share the joy of the game. It seems natural to us to invite others into that which we have found joyful and in that act find our own joy enhanced; so natural is it that I believe it is part of who we are, part of being made “in the image and likeness” of God.

So, now I imagine the Trinity: God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit; I imagine the perfect love that exists in the relationship, so perfect that the three are distinct and yet one, unified in love. I imagine the joyous love that must always be present within the Trinity, so present that the Apostle John says that God is love. I find it easy to imagine that God, immersed in perfect love and the resulting joy would want to share that experience; not just by showering others with love but by inviting others in to that experience of love. With whom did God choose to share His experience? Us…He created us to share the experience of love with Him, to enter into the same relationship with God that Jesus has with His Father.

With whom did God choose to share His experience? Us…He created us to share the experience of love with Him, to enter into the same relationship with God that Jesus has with His Father.

Can there be any truth more profound? I think not. When Jesus walked the earth He continually invited others along. “Follow Me” was His urging. Some followed; most didn’t. This inviting is, I believe, at the heart of what Jesus means when as His last words to His followers before being crucified He prays for us to be relationally “one” with He and our Father (John 17:22-26).

I have had a few deeply mystical encounters with God in which I have experienced the briefest taste of His love for me. Its power is incapacitating in the moment. The result of each encounter has always been the deepening of my love for Him. And I have the great fortune of experiencing perhaps the best possible human expression of God’s love in my marriage and also with a small, deeply loving community of committed Jesus followers. These experiences have been important events that have moved me along the path of being transformed into the likeness of Jesus. Here is something I’ve discovered along the way: the more I become like Christ, the more I experience the kind of love that exists within the Trinity, and the more I respond to His invitation to join in His love, the more I long for others to experience it…I long to share with you the experience God is sharing with me.

So, I say to you, whoever you are reading this, I have found the Christ…come, and you too will see.

The Art of Waiting

17 Monday Dec 2012

Posted by in All, Ordinariness

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Stoplights have been the bane of my existence. I seem to have the natural ability to time stoplights just so that I have to stop at nearly every one. And, just so you understand the depth of this ability, not only do I encounter most lights as they are red, no, I come to them just as they are turning red. In this way I have the privilege of waiting through the entire cycle before getting the green light to go. So pronounced is this ability of mine that my wife actually comments whenever I do encounter a light that is green and I move through the intersection without having had to stop.

I actually don’t believe it is an ability at all. Rather, what I really believe is that I am about one second out of phase with the universe. In other words, I feel that if I could somehow jump ahead one second in time then I would get mostly green lights rather than red. Now, you may think this is foolishness, but it is actually a testable hypothesis and, in fact, has been tested. To my own satisfaction I have been proven right.

You see, the keepers of the world’s official time, Coordinated Universal Time (UTC), occasionally add a leap second to keep the clocks on track. This is necessary because of the slight variations in the Earth’s rotational period. The last time a leap second was added was June 30, 2012, roughly six months ago. A funny thing happened…I began to make the green lights. Not just a few; rather, I made nearly every green light. It was most remarkable. I zipped around town with minimal stops and arrived early at every appointment. This lasted for weeks. Gradually, however, I began to encounter more and more red lights. Finally, much to my dismay, I found myself returned to my assigned place in the universe: one second out of phase.

Perhaps it is this opportunity to wait at stop lights that causes me to think so often about “waiting” and the ordinariness of day-to-day life.

So, because of the many hours I spend waiting at stoplights each year, you can imaging what a relief smartphones have been to my waiting. I found that my time at a stoplight was transformed from interminable waiting to an opportunity to stay connected by checking email, texting, or web surfing. At each light I had the ability to distract myself from waiting by being productive or with mindless activity, it seemed to matter little which, as long as I was no longer simply “waiting.” I was living a stoplight life of bliss.

Over time, however, I began to notice the gradual loss of my ability to wait in any situation. Waiting for a computer to boot, waiting on the microwave timer, waiting on another to finish talking, waiting for winter to end…in these and so many other instances I was annoyed at the waiting and longed for distraction. And that is when I began to more fully understand the ancient spiritual discipline of solitude and silence.

I used to understand solitude and silence as a way to gain some psychic distance from the noise of the world and, for Christians, to hear God more clearly. Given my monk-like nature, I liked my extended experiences of solitude and silence, and when back in the noise I found myself longing for the quiet; the noise is often overwhelming to me. Then the stoplights came to mind and the disciple of solitude and silence took on new meaning.

There is no reason, I decided, that I couldn’t have a monastery within. Solitude and silence could be an inner condition bolstered by the occasional actual experience of getting away. If I let them, the experiences of stop lights could also help; by sitting quietly at stop lights, avoiding the temptation of distraction, I find now that I am able to foster a more continual sense of inner solitude and silence resulting in a deeper peace and increased awareness of God. Now, I find that I measure my response at encountering a red light on a peace–frustration scale, and I find that the when my life is harried and out of balance my red light frustration is much higher; the opposite in my life brings peace at red lights.

So, avoiding distraction and “waiting well” has become a way for me to cultivate an inner monastery of solitude and silence in the noise of everyday life; it is a place from which I find I can be more attentive to life itself and, more importantly, more attentive to God.

And attention, as French philosopher Simone Weil asserts, is the only faculty of the soul that gives us access to God.

If true, and I believe it is, then why would I want to live life other than in an attitude of attentiveness.

How to Wait?

28 Wednesday Nov 2012

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For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. … But I am hard-pressed from both directions, having the desire to depart and be with Christ, for that is very much better; yet to remain on in the flesh is more necessary for your sake.
–Apostle Paul, Philippians 1:21-24

Waiting. Sometimes I find it harder to wait than other times. Perhaps it has to do with what I’m waiting for and the circumstances I’m in at the time.

“Wait until your dad gets home” was a phrase I heard from my mom from time to time during my growing up years. That was anxiety-filled waiting. My wife and I will be vacationing to a Caribbean island this Spring; that is excitement-filled waiting. Christmas is coming, there are presents to buy and decorations to set up. That is an activity-filled waiting.

During Christmas we celebrate the Advent season. This season, the four Sundays before Christmas, is when we remind ourselves of those generations of Jews who spent their lives waiting on the Messiah, and when we remind ourselves that we, too, wait on His return. As the Bible tells us, it is an activity-filled waiting. We are to go about the business of building a relationship with Christ and following Him into the world to love others with His love.

Paul felt torn, “hard-pressed from both directions,” in his waiting. For him, to die and be with Christ was better, to stay for the sake of the Philippian Christians was necessary. Wouldn’t it be instructive to talk with him about that? It would be for me. I don’t think I’m waiting very well right now. I am desperately impatient to be in union with Christ.

Paul says he was taken up into the “third heaven” (2Corinthians 12:2). “After that experience,” I would ask him, “how do you continue to wait so well?” He had an earlier encounter with Jesus, later he was “caught up to the third heaven”; it must have made waiting so very difficult. He must have certainly experienced a momentary fulfillment of the great hope we who follow Christ have: to be in the presence of Love Himself. What he must have felt! How can he honestly then say he is “hard-pressed from both directions”?

How is Paul able to not cry out with the Psalmist, “How long, O Lord?”as he yearns to be with Jesus.

Of course, God, if Paul is unavailable I’d enjoy talking with Moses or Elijah. Both had direct encounters with God. But, perhaps the best conversation would be with Jesus, Himself. After all, He came to earth, “emptying Himself” by fully taking on human nature subject to pain and suffering and temptation, deprived of glory until the end.

Jesus must have felt “hard -pressed from both directions,” too. Yet, He endured, suffering the burdens of daily life, which we join Him in His suffering, thus participating with Paul in “filling up what is lacking in Christ’s afflictions.” Christians suffer for and from the world, pastors additionally suffer for and from His Church. It is hard.

So I wait, and not well right now. My impatience makes me restless, wanting to hurry time along. I would still like to have that conversation with Paul; however, the strength to wait well will only come from Jesus. Advent will be particularly good for me this year; it reminds me to wait well.

Eros–Self Love

13 Tuesday Nov 2012

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[Jesus,] who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.
—Hebrews 12:2

Self-love. Eros love, to use the Greek. I love myself and I want happiness for me. Is that wrong? Some would say so; they would say that it is wrong for me to want anything for myself. Real love, they might continue, is selfless and total unconcerned for self. This line of thinking has already caused me no little consternation in my own life as I think of my motives in a loving relationship. It is a common way to think within Christianity, but is this true?

Apparently, Jesus believe I should love myself. After all, He explicitly endorses self-love:

You shall love your neighbor as you love yourself. Apparently, if I do not love myself then what hope has my neighbor of receiving my love? What hope do I have of obeying Jesus if I don’t love myself?

Bernard of Clairvaux, the 12th century monk, offers a progression of four “degrees” of love that help me think through this (see his work, On Loving God). From lowest to highest, they are:

1) Love self for the sake of self. This is selfish, self-centered love. He refers to this as “carnal” love. This “first degree of love” is where we all start.

2) Love God for the sake of self. This is where I begin being “in love” when another is involved. I remember saying, “I can’t live without you.” It is loving another because of the happiness it brought me. I began my Christianity this way; I loved God for what He could do for me. Whether it was keeping me out of hell or keeping me healthy…I loved God for what I got out of the relationship.

3) Love God for solely because He is God. As I persisted in my relationship with God and begin to know Him, I found myself coming to love Him for whom He is. He is God and I love Him for that alone. And, as a consequence, I found that as He drew me closer to Him I began to see myself in the intense light of His perfect holiness. There was nowhere to hide; in every act I saw my sin. I loathed myself for the stink of my own sinfulness.

4) Love self only for the sake of God. God never loathes me. Jesus died for me; there is no greater expression of one’s love for another than this. A reporter once commented to Mother Teresa how much she loved the poor. She replied, “I don’t love the poor; Jesus loves the poor and I loves Jesus.” She loved the poor for the sake of Jesus. So it is with me: Jesus loves me; therefore, I love myself for the sake of Jesus. This is Bernard’s “fourth degree of love.” Given what I know about myself, what goes on within me, I have no other basis for proper self-love than this. Any other basis of self-love would be delusional and be the selfish love of Bernard’s first degree: self-love for my own sake.

If I love myself for God’s sake, then I say to myself, it is very good that I exist. In fact, philosopher Josef Pieper (Faith, Hope, Love) asserts that self-love is the love “on which all other [types of love] are founded and makes all others possible.” If I cannot apply the test, “it is very good that one exists” to myself, then to whom else can I really apply it? If the deepest form of love is union with another, then whom else am I more one with than with myself? As Pieper says, “unity is closer to the source than union.” With Jesus and with my wife I am becoming united; only with myself am I in unity.

Self-love is a consequence of my creation, of believing in my deepest self that it is good that I exist, then it must be good to seek my own happiness. I am, it seems, created to be a hedonist…a hedonist according to Bernard of Clairvaux. What does it mean to be a Christian hedonist?

If eros is self-love, then look at the other extreme, agapē love, the love God has for us. It is often described as selfless love, sacrificial love, a love free of self-interest, self-protection, or self-gratification. We say that Jesus died for us out of His agapē love for us…but then what do we make out of the joy He felt as He went to the cross? He was joyful because He loved His Father and out of love for Him and for us was crucified. Doing something for the One He loved and for us, who He also loved, gave Him joy. How, then, can we say that Jesus’ love was selfless and free of self-interest? Was it purely agapē love as we like to define it? Is there such a thing as love that is absolutely selfless?

Let’s try the philosophical technique of reductio ad absurdum, taking this idea of selfless love to its logical conclusion. If selfless love is best, then what about painful love? If it is good that I get nothing out of love, then wouldn’t it be better if it hurt? No.

This selfless characterization of agapē love sounds to me like a very antiseptic love, and I think it is a wrong characterization. I love my wife and my love gives me great pleasure. Should I not want that for myself? I love myself, shouldn’t I want happiness for me? Frankly, I cannot conceive of loving my wife without the accompanying joy and happiness it brings me. I cannot conceive of loving God joylessly. The feeling seems mutual; the old prophet Zechariah tells us that God sings over us (Zephaniah 3:17).

Eros, self-love, and agapē, selfless love. If self-love is that upon which every other love exists, then where does self-less love fit? Does eros end where agapē begins? I don’t think so. Consider the paradox of hedonism: it is the concept that one cannot find happiness by seeking it; rather, one finds happiness by living a virtuous life. However, one does not deny the received happiness as the reward of virtue. Bernard says the same thing about love:

Love is an affection of the soul, not a contract: it cannot rise from a mere agreement, nor is it so to be gained. It is spontaneous in its origin and impulse; and true love is its own satisfaction. It has its reward; but that reward is the object beloved. For whatever you seem to love, if it is on account of something else, what you do really love is that something else, not the apparent object of desire.

Tricky stuff. It seems that if I love serving God or love making Him happy, then those are the objects of my love and not God Himself. My joy, then, would be based on service to Him (likely as I define it) or His happiness (also likely as I define it) rather than God alone. My love for Jesus must be based on my affirmation that it is very good that He exists and my desire (out of self-love) to be united with Him. I am choosing to reorder my life to be in loving relationship with Him. It that because of self-less love or self-love?

I love God and I love my wife. I hope I would find it true were it ever put to the test that I would do anything for them, even giving my life. It is self-less in the sense that I desire nothing more than them. It is selfish in that out of their joy of being loved I receive the very pleasant reward of joy, the desire for which is born out of my self love, my eros.

So, unconditional love between lovers would be each wanting only the other, and out of the joy of the other experiencing joy. In this light, to even talk of “sacrificial love” seems foreign; for the lover there is no sacrifice, there are only acts of love for one’s beloved. For the joy set before Jesus, he endured the humiliation of the cross…my, what love.

The Glory of Jesus Given to Us?

05 Monday Nov 2012

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The glory which You [God the Father] have given Me [Jesus] I have given to them [Jesus followers], that they may be one, just as We are one; I in them and You in Me, that they may be perfected in unity, so that the world may know that You sent Me, and loved them, even as You have loved Me. –Jesus; The Biblical Gospel of John, 17:22-23

“It’s very good that you exist.”  Believing this of another is the ultimate in positive affirmation that the other exists, and it is, I have been claiming, the biblical basis of love.  It is what God said about us in the beginning (Genesis 1:31).  It is what we must hear God say to us and more importantly, it is what we must experience from God to be able to love in His way.  It is what we must offer to others if we claim to follow Christ (1John 4:7-21).  However, it is easily misunderstood.

It seems to me that our American culture (all of Western culture?) has taken this “very good that you exist” thing wrongly because of the way our culture has redefined tolerance as affirming anything that makes the other person “happy.”  Consequently, a critical element of love, implied in the statement, has been overlooked.  It is indeed very good that I exist.  I need that affirmation from God and from others in my life.  What it doesn’t mean, however, is that everything I do is good or even that every aspect of who I am is good.  The God of the Bible does not tolerate all behavior and being in the way our society has come to expect.  In other words, who I am and what I do is not indiscriminately excused by God if it is indeed not “good” according to His nature (see my recent blog on forgiveness).  Therefore, as a Jesus follower I cannot indiscriminately affirm aspects of being or behavior that are not “good” according to God’s morality and commands. This applies to me and others–and I’m assuming with great humility that I can know to some extent “good” as defined by God.

I believe that God yearns for our “goodness,” that He wants the best for us; this is clearly seen in the Bible in God’s promises, culminating in Jesus’ death for us and His subsequent resurrection.  Returning to God’s own statement of the very goodness of creation (Genesis 1:31), what is meant there by “good” is “the purpose for which it was created.”  It is very good that all of creation, including you and me, exists for the purpose God intended.  Therefore, it is good that I exist within the context of my becoming fully whom I was created to be.  You, too.  For me, this “becoming” means to journey towards a life ultimately free of the lies in which I have come to believe and the inner wounds I have suffered, a life free of the fears with which I live and the hurt I inflict on others.  I believe Jesus makes this explicitly clear that it is also God’s desire for us in what He says He gives us (see the passage at the top of the page).  He explicitly gives glory to those who follow Him, the very same glory given to Him by God, His Father.

So, what exactly is this glory Jesus gives us?  Theologian M. Robert Mulholland Jr. (Dictionary of Spiritual Theology, Zondervan) notes that an aspect of the Greek word doxa (glory) refers to the “essence of a person, that which makes a person who he or she is” (216).  In John 17:1, Jesus tells us that the Father (God) and the Son (Jesus, God-Man) “glorify” each other.  In other words, both Father and Son find their essence, their true identities only in relationship with each other.  Try this: a human father has no identity apart from his son (or daughter).  It seems obvious that for one to have identity as “father” requires the existence of one’s child.  Similarly, for one to have identity as “son” or “daughter” requires that one has a father.  And so it is with God.  God the Father finds His true identity as Father only in relationship with His Son, Jesus.  Similarly, the Son, Jesus, finds His true identity as Son only in relationship with His Father.  Mutual glorification, therefore, means that only in relationship with each other do Father and Son fully become who they each are (see John 17:1, 5).  And not just any relationship will do, such as acquaintance or friend, it must be a relationship of loving union…they, Father and Son, are one (see John 10:30).

This is the same glory Jesus is offering to us when we choose to follow Him: the glory He has with His Father, God.  Jesus is saying to me that it is only through the same relationship of loving union with God that He has can I find my true identity and become fully who I am meant to be.  (Some writers call this my true self as contrasted with my false self.)  This loving union is the relationship Jesus intends for us in John 17:3 when He defines eternal life as “knowing God and Jesus,” where “knowing” means the most deeply intimate knowing of another person one can imagine.  It is a “knowing” that is most often used when referring to the intimacy between husband and wife that takes a lifetime to achieve (and it is never actually “achieved” since the journey of becoming intimate is eventually interrupted by the death of one spouse–with God, my “knowing” Him, an infinite being, in this deeply intimate way will take an eternity).  Therefore, the glory offered to me by Jesus is to become my true self–the image of God I was created to be– through a relationship of loving union with Him (this relationship is sometimes referred to as the “transformative union” with God).

So, with this understanding of love as affirming the goodness of one’s existence and wanting the best for one, which can only in relationship of loving union with God, then what does it mean for me to love my neighbor as I love myself (Matthew 22:39)?

Self-love is me affirming that it is very good that I exist, where the goodness referred to is that I become freely me–my true self–the me I was created to be, the me whom is free of the baggage of the lies I’ve believed and still believe, the hurts I’ve experienced and caused, the fears that torment me, and the failures that haunt me; it is the me free from all the baggage that hold me captive and feeds my false self.  This is the goodness I intrinsically want for myself, it seems built in to humanity that we each want this for ourselves. I long for this in the depths of my soul…and I can only find it in  a relationship of loving union Christ.

Then, if this is the healthy way I love myself, what about my neighbors?  I surely must want this for them, too.  I must affirm that it is very good that they exist and I must want the best for them, as well, which is for them to become fully the person who God created them to be.  Therefore, I must want them to be in a relationship of loving union with God.  This means I must not want for them anything else, nothing, no matter how pleasant it may seem in the moment, that would interfere with this transformative union with God from starting or from continuing in a healthy way.  And, again, I must exhibit great humility in expressing what I want for and not want for my neighbor.

As for my enemies (Matthew 5:44)…well, the same thing must apply if I am to love them as commanded by God.  I must affirm the goodness of their existence and I must want for them the things that move them toward a relationship of loving union with God.  Only in this way, it seems to me, can I fully and rightly (righteously) hate the things they do to interfere with their relationship with God thereby preventing them from becoming fully themselves as they are created to be by God.

This, I believe, is what it means to hate the sin but love the sinner, whether that sinner is me, my neighbor, or my enemy.

Sadly, not everyone will appreciate this point of view; most, in fact, will not (see Matthew 7:13-14).  Our society spends a lot of money trying to convince us, and we try to convince ourselves and each other, that many, many things and behaviors are good for us when, in fact, they keep us from this type of relationship with God, and, therefore, from becoming who we are in Christ.  Generally, most of us don’t want to become fully who God created us each to be, at least from God’s perspective; rather, we continue to think we know better than God what is best for ourselves.

A relationship of loving union with Jesus, a transformative union: it is what Jesus means when He says He is the only way to God, the Father (John 14:6).  No other relationship will do.  None.

Becoming my true self in relationship with Christ, this is what it truly means to be “saved.”

Love Gives

30 Tuesday Oct 2012

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A Play in One Act…and my apologies to Broadway.

Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends.
–Jesus; John 15:13

Of course I know who he is. What? I cost the guy his life! Whadayamean by that? The DA is calling it what? Criminally negligent homicide! Hold on there, sport. Wait just one minute. You got nothing on me. You can’t hold me. I know my rights. Besides, I barely knew the guy.

You’ve got the wrong guy, I tell you. I’m a pretty good fellow, really. Ask anybody. I pay my taxes, I generally obey the law, I’m a pretty good husband and neighbor. I’ve got a good job; been there for years. Oh yeah, I go to church every Sunday, haven’t missed one in, well, a few weeks. I’m respectful of my elders, too, and I like kids. I take good care of my dogs. Our house is in good repair. I mow the lawn and tend the flower beds. I ride my bike on bike-to-work day, and we recycle! Ask anybody, I tell you, anybody. Well, almost anybody. I’m certainly not like one of those other kinds of people…you know the type.

Well sure, I’ve done some “bad” stuff, I suppose, everybody has. For the small stuff I did I thought this Jesus guy just winked and smiled at me like a doting grandfather. For the more serious stuff I did (and I assure you there has been very little of that!), I think he punished me a bit; I admit that probably deserved that. Some minor punishment was okay with me. Nothing I did could possibly have caused his death. We barely knew each other, I tell you. Tell me again why you are charging me with homicide?

Alright, you could say that some of what I did was wrong, I guess, if you really must use that old word. And I admit to sometimes even knowing that it was wrong before I did it. But most of it seemed harmless at the time. Yes, of course there were those few times when I admit to knowing beforehand that there would be consequences to others, and I didn’t care. There, I said it. Sometimes I didn’t care. But later I did say I was sorry, didn’t I? Sometimes I was even reeeally sorry. That didn’t fix it?

Okay, so there’s a little bit of criminal in all of us, so what? We all do wrong sometimes. It makes life a little exciting, “living on the edge” like they say on those reality TV shows. But that doesn’t make me a bad person. I’m just living my life my way, I’m a Nike-kind-of-guy! Just “do it,” you know. Acting with negligence? No way. Maybe I occasionally acted recklessly toward others, but what risk did I expose him to? Nothing big, I assure you. This guy Jesus, whose death you say I caused say was never at risk for my actions. I can’t do anything to him, he’s God; I told you, I go to church, I know these things. So, negligence on my part is for sure out of the question. Out! of! the! question!

What do you mean, God is love? I know that; church-goer, remember. What has that got to do with anything? Besides, if God is love then he could have turned the other cheek, right? Overlooked the stuff I did. He didn’t have to die because of me. And I certainly didn’t cause him to do it, he volunteered. Can’t blame that on me, no sir. He didn’t have to do it, you know. Yep, just a little punishment for me and things would have again been just fine between us. Slap on the wrist, swat on the behind…that’s all it would have taken. None of this dying stuff. Remember, I’m not one of those people. Not me.

He had to do it? What do you mean, “He had to do it?” And I should have known it! How can you say that?! How could I have known that little fact? Yeah, I know all about forgiveness. I told you that I said I was sorry to those people I wronged. Isn’t that enough? A gift? What gift? I didn’t get a present. Two presents! Wait, I got two presents?! Oh, I’ve been offered two presents, one from those I wronged and one from him. I don’t get it. I wronged him and some others and they offer to give me a present…how can that be? Well, since I don’t have it, what present did they offer me? Not holding my guilt against me? Hold on just one minute. Who said I was guilty of anything? Not me! Okay, I guess if I did those few things wrong I’m technically guilty, I guess.

But, why would anybody offer to give me that kind of present when they could hold my guilt over my head, make me owe them? Dog-eat-dog world, ya know. Love? Are we back to that? Are you telling me that because he, and those others I wronged, love me so much they freely offer me this present? Whadayaknow? Maybe there are two kinds of people in this world, them that take and them that get taken…they seem stupid to me. What’s in it for them? Yeah, I know…love.

But why die? What’s this present got to do with him dying. Why did he have to die if I’m guilty–not that I’m admitting to anything, of course? Compelled by love, you say. Wasn’t there another way? Well, sure I did; when I wronged those others I tried to fix what I broke; you’d have to be a real jerk to just walk away. I own up to it when I screw up; always have, always will. I make it right. You’re saying that’s why he died, to fix what broke? Look, I keep telling you that I go to church and the preacher says that God is perfect; so, how could he break anything. What I broke?! He died to fix what I broke?!

So, let me get this straight: you are telling me that he gave me the present of not holding my guilt over my head and he died to fix what broke because of me? So, he wrapped the present and opened it? What’s left for me to do, he’s done everything? Accept the present; sure, I can do that! Gimme the thing. I’m holding my hands out, God…where is this present?

Wait, it can’t be that easy. What’s the catch? No catch, you say, just admit my guilt. Is that all? I knew it! I’ve seen enough of those cop shows to know you all lie. You offer a deal, then get you to confess and, wham!, in the slammer you go for life. Bait and switch. You just want me to admit to this homicide. Clear the books. Another case closed. Well, no way. No way. No way. No way.

What! You are not so smart, you know; pretty dumb, really. Here’s a tip: this doesn’t help at all to get me to confess. You’re telling me now that if I confess my guilt to get this present, my guilt is not held against me, he fixes what I broke, but I STILL get the death penalty?! See, I knew it! Do you think I’m a complete imbecile? You were trying to trick me. You left out that little fact of THE DEATH PENALTY! Reborn? What do you mean, reborn? I get the death penalty and them I’m reborn. Sure. Right. No such thing as reincarnation, buddy boy.

Really? I’m reborn? You are going to stick with that? Yeah, the preacher does say he came back from the dead. He can really do that for me, too? Yeah, I guess he can, after all, he created this whole mess of a universe. Reborn. Hmmmmm, let me get this straight. I’m reborn, that means new fingerprints, a new face, new DNA…a whole new identity? Hey, then nobody could pin these charges on me, right? I’d be a free man. It’s better than double jeopardy. Oh?, not reborn like that…but I would still be free of the charges? And he will have forgotten them? Hey, maybe this deal isn’t so bad after all, accept for that dying part.

More? He’ll adopt me? The same guy who you say died because of my criminal negligence will give me a new identity by adopting me into his family. Really. This is like no fairy tale I’ve ever heard. Disney should be rolling over in his grave. No, I don’t want to hear that he is no longer in his grave. My head hurts enough already over this.

Stop! There can’t be more. Stop, I say. He’ll what?! Relocate me? Wait…if I have a new identity, then why do I need witness protection? Is this a conspiracy case? Is there somebody else involved in his death? Who else is in on this? YOU! You have a record, too! Not any more? What do you mean, “Not any more”? Ah…you accepted his gift?! You died and were reborn? Ha! For a guy whose been reborn, you don’t look so good. And I can see why: in your dealings with me it’s plain that you aren’t too good at this negotiating stuff. I’ll get a better deal in exchange for my guilty plea, I can promise you that. Maybe I’ll negotiate a full head of hair. Yeah, ha!, you didn’t do so good. What, you didn’t have a lawyer?

What do you mean “now and not yet.” Even though you have a new body it is still yet coming; you have been relocated but not fully; you are adopted and still becoming a son…geez. I’ll certainly get my deal now; I’m not waiting around for “not yet.” A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush, ya know.

All this. I get all this and all I have to do is confess? Let me ask you, did it hurt to die? Great, I told you how bad you were at this. If it is good and hard how did you do it? How do you keep it up? He what?! He helps! After what you did, and what I allegedly did, to him…he still helps? Foolishness. You gotta know that this story gets more and more foolish to a wise guy like me. Do you ever clear any cases? Your job must be like trying to coax a camel through the eye of a needle. Where is my lawyer?

God’s Double Bind

22 Monday Oct 2012

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If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
–The Apostle John; 1John 1:9

How can a loving, holy, and just God say to both the murderer and to me, “It very good that you exist”? Doesn’t it seem that God has put Himself in a bind when He created free-willed humans who turned against Him? On the one hand, God loves us so much that He wishes none of us would be out of relationship with Him (2Peter 3:9). On the other hand, God is just and He cannot affirm our wrong behavior, it cannot go unpunished (Romans 1:18-19). This is not just a bind, but a double bind (see Miroslav Volf’s book, Free of Charge).

God loves us and doesn’t want that we should get what we deserve; God cannot let our offenses go unpunished. How does God get Himself out of this double bind? He forgives.

Perhaps by understanding God’s forgiveness of me I can better understand how to love myself and those around me (Matthew 22:39).

Anytime I act contrary to God’s ways, I commit an offense against Him. Lying, cheating, greed, anger, wishing I were someone else, lust…whether in thought or deed in these, and more, I offend God. For His part, God first names the offense, calling it what it is. Sin. Then, He offers us the gift of not holding my sin against me (Isaiah 43:25). He must do both, for failing to name the sin merely excuses it and failing to not hold it against me leaves me forever guilty.

Then there is my part. To receive God’s forgiveness, I have to accept both the accusation and the gift. To refuse to admit my wrongdoing is to say I did nothing wrong and do not need forgiveness. As evidence that I am genuinely sorry, I perform “deeds appropriate to repentance” (Apostle Paul’s words, Acts 26:19-20); that is, I try not to do it again (to see how serious my effort should be, see Hebrews 12:4).

Some 500 years ago, Martin Luther said this:

There are two kinds of sin: one is confessed, and this no one should leave unforgiven; the other kind is defended, and this no one can forgive, for it refuses either to be counted as sin or to accept forgiveness.

Only when both parties fulfill their part can forgiveness in its fulness occur leading to the point of it all: restoration of relationship.

And yet forgiveness may not cancel the consequences of my actions. Forgiveness does not undo the offending deed; often there has been “damage done” to persons or property for which the offender must be accountable.

Forgiveness between humans is much the same. If offended, I must name the offense and not excuse it by sweeping it under the rug. And, I must offer the gift of bearing the burden of not demanding revenge; rather, I offer the gift of release from guilt. If I am the offender, I must admit to the wrongdoing and accept the gift of release from guilt (of course, only God can release me from my ultimate gift; that is why true forgiveness must involve three people: the offender and the two offended, God and the human). I must also attempt to perform the deeds appropriate to repentance, which may be working to rebuild trust, paying for broken things, jail time…

In the case of the murderer of Jessica Ridgeway, we must name the offense for what it is, a horrifically evil deed. We must not hurry past that in a rush to forgive. And we must also carry the burden of not seeking revenge, instead offering the murderer the gift of release from guilt, thought the punishment may be life imprisonment or even the death penalty.

I must forgive others because God has done it for me, and this is what it really means to love the sinner and hate the sin. It is something I am quite well practiced at when it comes to myself and my own behavior. God first says to me, “It is very good that you exist” and offers me forgiveness. I say to myself, “It is very good that I exist” in spite of my behavior, accepting God’s love of me. And because God first loves me and I love myself, I must also love my neighbor in the same way (Matthew 22:39), saying, “It is very good that you exist.”

An Enemy of God…Who, Me?

18 Thursday Oct 2012

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“You have heard that the ancients were told, ‘You shall not commit murder’ and ‘Whoever commits murder shall be liable to the court.’ But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother shall be guilty before the court; and whoever says to his brother, ‘You good-for-nothing,’ shall be guilty before the supreme court; and whoever says, ‘You fool,’ shall be guilty enough to go into the fiery hell.”
–Jesus; the Gospel of Matthew, 5:21-22

It is very good that you exist. This, according to philosophers and, I believe, the Bible, is the basis of love. I left off wondering whether I could really say that to an enemy, someone like, say, the killer of this 10-year old Colorado girl, or the Taliban who shot the 14-year old Pakistani girl who stood up in her country for the right for women to be educated. Is it really very good that these kinds of people exist?

In His famous speech, called the Sermon on the Mount because it was made on a hillside, Jesus equates anger with murder. Broadly speaking, it seems there are two kinds of anger. First, there is “other-centered” anger born out of wanting the best for another: “You knew the material but you failed the test!” Jesus’ anger was this kind of “other-centered” anger. The other kind of anger is “self-centered” anger. This anger arises in me when you act to thwart my will by not letting me have my way or what I think I deserve: “That idiot cut me off in traffic.” The vast majority of anger is this type, I think.

At first, Jesus’ equating anger with murder seems astonishing, particularly when I realize He is talking about any self-centered anger, even angry thoughts. After all, don’t we say, “sticks and stones can break my bones, but words can never hurt me.” Every school child learns this rhyme. We learn to excuse words spoken in anger at an early age. Yet Jesus doesn’t seem to distinguish between types of anger, all is equated with murder. The angry and the murderer are each destined for a “fiery hell.”

Why does Jesus do this, set this impossibly high standard by equating anger and murder? Isn’t it because anger is one of the roots of evil acts in the world? Jesus’ brother James says it this way (James 4:1-4):

“Where do you think all these appalling wars and quarrels come from? Do you think they just happen? Think again. They come about because you want your own way, and fight for it deep inside yourselves.

You lust for what you don’t have and are willing to kill to get it. You want what isn’t yours and will risk violence to get your hands on it. … You’re spoiled children, each wanting your own way. …

If all you want is your own way, flirting with the world every chance you get, you end up enemies of God and his way.”

Self-righteous anger denies that it is very good that the other exists. It says instead, “Get out of my way, your very existence is impeding me!” Murder may be the ultimate expression of this anger–the actual causing another to cease to exist–however, whether murder, other violent acts, abusive words, angry outbursts, or hurtful thoughts, all come from self-centered anger; the root is the same for all. So, according to James, even an angry thought born out of my self-centeredness makes me an enemy of God as much as the murderer!

It is very good that you exist. The murder kills; I act out of only run-of-the-mill anger; we are both guilty in the eyes of a Holy God. So, if I can’t say that it is very good that the killer exists, then how can I say it about myself? And yet, God says it about both of us, the angry and the murderer. How can that be? More thinking to come…